Every Father’s Day I think about the time I jokingly asked my 4 year-old daughter if she was going to get me a “World's Best Dad” mug. “Nope,” she said gravely. “I haven’t met all the dads in the world.”

— RM (@dorsalstream) June 16, 2019

The kids I nanny asked why I wanted to see Incredibles 2 and I said because the first one came out when I was a kid

and they really asked ….

If it was in color

— Kirsten Pritchett (@kirstenabigail2) June 22, 2018

I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.

— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) May 6, 2017

Me: I think I ate too much.
4yo: Yeah, but not just today.

— Aaron Aryanpur (@aaroncomedian) November 26, 2016

Me: We all make mistakes.
5: Even you?
Me: Yep
5: Oh yeah! Like when you're trying to cook food that tastes good but then it doesn't?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 15, 2016

8yo: I think I just swallowed a fly

10yo: cuz you talk too much

5yo: you shoulda put ketchup on it

— Linda (@turtledumplin) September 5, 2016

4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend.
Me: Aww! Sure!
4:You can be the Beast.
Me: …
4: Or the fat sea witch!

— Marl (@Marlebean) April 17, 2014

Should i be offended my 3yo covers his ears and yells "STOP!" when i dance?

— Chris Cox (@CoxyJindas) August 29, 2016

My 11yo wrote me an apology for misbehaving in the car that included "I love you so much but sometimes forget to care about your existence."

— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) April 27, 2016

Me to my son: You remind me of me.
Son: That's just mean.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) August 16, 2016