My best friend has been a sleep-talker her entire life, and even though I’ve somewhat gotten used to half-waking up to her mumbling something random (because it’s always random), it’s always jarring.
And usually funny. If she ever said something about killing me in my sleep… I think I’d be more concerned?
That said, these 15 things people on Reddit shared about somebody muttering while asleep are pretty weird, even for sleep talking.
15. Would ya?
“Bleach your asshole already, would ya?”
He sleeps very hard, we can have conversations while he’s asleep. I’ve got several of them on video and they’re some of my most favorite things.
14. He was mocking them.
Once, me and our roommate were downstairs, while my husband was sleeping upstairs. We heard him yelling in his sleep and I figured he was having a nightmare and went to check on him.
Turns out he was, in fact, not yelling. in his dream he had a bunch of creepy ghost children trapped in a hole and was mocking them by saying “WoOoOoO~ WoOoOoO~… Bitches.”
13. The money is hidden.
“The money is hidden off the road by the Indian Reservation.” I tried to get her to talk more but she mumbled something I couldn’t understand and went back to sleep.
She doesn’t remember her dreams after she wakes up so it’s this mystery of whether or not she hid money in the desert.
12. I just wanted to see it to the end.
My roommate sleep talks almost every night and I once walked in on him sobbing. Full on bawling.
I asked if he was good and he said in the calmest voice “yeah sure I just wanted to see it to the end”…. he doesn’t remember it one bit.
The runner-up was when he burst into laughter and then said “why did none you try to chop my head off just then?”
11. Okay.
My ex used to talk in his sleep and kind of sleepwalk too.. It was pretty funny.
My favorite was when I woke up to him holding my coat to the door, dropping it, and putting it back to the door. Not like, trying to hang it on the door, just like…. holding it to the door and dropping it repeatedly.
I asked him, uhhhhhhh what are you doing? He gave me a funny look and crept into the bathroom slowly, peeked around, looked at me (in bed) and asked, “are you in there?”
“in….. where?”
“the bathroom.”
“no, i’m in bed…”
“oh. okay.” and he came back to bed.
My second favorite was when he shook me awake and told me “I’m definitely not gonna do it.” “do WHAT?” “yeah, I’m just feeling waaaayy too lazy and unmotivated right now.” no shit dude, you’re asleep….
10. Local boy massages.
I was told by my fiancé that he came to bed one night after I had fallen asleep and started rubbing my back, which apparently prompted me to sleep-say “This just in! Local boy massages.. other local boy!!”
I am a 26 year old female but that night I was a young 19th century newsboy at heart.
9. The most important thing in the world.
One time while sleeping I grabbed my partner by the shoulder and told her “hey, people are just stacks of years” like it was the most important thing in the world.
8. You can’t forget gravity.
Wife: Oh no
Me: What’s wrong?
Wife: I forgot
Me: Forgot what?
Wife: Gravity
Me: You forgot gravity?
Wife: Yeah
Me: It’s okay, you can’t forget gravity
Wife: I can’t?
Me: No, it’s okay.
Wife: Good.
Out like a light.
7. On a fishing boat.
My husband’s Dad died on a fishing boat in the bering sea last year. It was a terrible way to go and he yells DAD very loudly like he’s trying to warn him a line is about to hit him.
6. I was so scared!
I’m Im the sleep talker/walker. One night my husband woke me up because my sister was calling him in the middle of the night. I was very worried and asked her what was wrong. She was practically in tears and managed to squeak out “thank god you’re ok! I was so scared!”
I guess in my sleep I had called her mumbled then set my phone down next to my speaker which was playing the audio book that had fallen asleep to. What she heard was me whispering then a strange man talking. She thought I had been kidnapped. She texted and called me and when I didn’t answer she called my husband to see if I was ok. He was confused and tried to assure her I was sleeping peacefully in bed.
I’ve also ordered bras and three gallons of almond milk off amazon. I’m not allowed to have my phone near my bed anymore.
5. We don’t even know an Abigail.
Completely at random: “OPEN THE WINDOW ABIGAIL IM BURNING LIKE A MEATBALL” we don’t even know an Abigail.
4. I didn’t go back to sleep for awhile.
My wife once in the middle of a dead sleep just did like a possessed scream/yell. It was from quiet to loud. Kind of like aaaaaAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. And then she started snoring immediately after. I didn’t go back to sleep for a while.
3. How come I get the Jetsons?
My wife doesn’t Reddit but she would jump to tell you that I said; “How come you get the cool spaceships and i get the Jetsons?” Then made the Jetsons flying car sound and went back to sleep
2. Coupons.
I have two great ones:
I had stayed up late and husband was asleep in bed. We had creaky wood floors, so I was walking slowly into the bedroom trying not to make too much noise. I stepped on a creaky spot, and husband shifted in bed and then said, in a very cheeky/smiling tone: “I have a machine… that will shoot you.. if you move around. It’ll shoot you right now!” Then he was back to be being dead asleep.
I was reading in bed, husband turned to snuggle into me and then this conversation: Him: (in a cutesy, flirty tone) “Coupons.” Me: “Coupons?” Him: “Yeah, coupons.”
1. I want to tap your teeth.
We both talk in our sleep but I think this one was so far the weirdest.
One night he started giggling and I asked him why he’s doing it. Then he just replied with “I want to tap your teeth and make them go ‘hello’!”
Still no idea what that meant.
Edit:
Just remembered another one that was very weird.
One time in his sleep he started making very weird, distressed noises. I asked if he was having a nightmare and he told me he’s in a war with colanders, trying to rip them apart with his bare hands.
Are you a sleep talker? Married to one?
I bet you’ve got some stories of your own!
