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There’s the fancy kind of etiquette that one only needs to know at restaurants that lay out too many forks and royal weddings and the like, and then there’s every day stuff. Stuff like not getting on an elevator until everyone gets off that people should know, but pretend not to when it suits them.
Below are 16 rules you definitely should be following (because I know your mama taught you better).
16. Keep the aisles clear for others.
Push your chair in when you stand up.
15. Never overestimate humans.
Dont park your fucking vehicle in front of driveways or garages. In my current job this is a daily problem, I assumed most people would know that its not cool, but I clearly overestimated the intellect of humanity on that one. Dicks.
14. It’s just a little poop.
Pick up your dog’s poop, even when it’s snowing. People seem to think it’s okay not to when it’s snowing because it will be covered up. Once that thaw comes around, it’s a sh*tshow.
13. A little humbleness goes a long way.
There is no person that everyone likes.
It’s ok to admit when you were wrong.
You don’t always have to have an opinion on everything. Saying “I don’t know” is fine.
Forgiving people goes a long way.
12. Don’t shoot the messenger.
If you’re mad at a company for some transgression, don’t take your rage out on the customer service rep. Chances are, this person has people freaking out at them all day for things they have no control over. Be kind to customer service people – they are likely having a crappy day. Edit: Gold! Thanks, pal. I suspect you’ve suffered at the hands of unhappy customers, as have I. Hang in there!
11. Let other people get off before you get on.
Holy shit some people don’t get this one. I’ve seen people just itching to get on the bus, so I’ve intentionally started moving before the bus stops so that I can be at the doors when they open, and they STILL try to get on before I’ve managed to get off.
10. Someone please alert my husband.
Headphones aren’t optional in a public space. No one wants to hear your music or your video clips playing.
9. No cutsies.
Don’t act like you didn’t know where the line started and try to wedge your piece of shit self in front of me. Asshole
8. This is just laziness. Full stop.
Littering, everyone knows its wrong and not in their long-term interest. But people do it anyway because of lack of bins, laziness, etc.
7. Please move out of the way.
Be the fuck AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS when walking in crowded areas. Don’t just fucking stop in the middle of the hallway and start rolling your cigs. Look left and right when changing lanes and if you’re a slow walker, keep to the side of the hall.
Edit: Nice, silver! Now I’m gonna buy me an airhorn and scare them loiterers away.
Edit2: Double nice, Gold! Guess I’m upgrading to a train horn.
6. Stop waiting to talk.
Listen to the content of what other people are saying before replying.
5. “Particularly oblivious” applies to way too many people.
When walking with several friends on a sidewalk, pair up two by two instead of everyone walking in a row so others can pass you on the sidewalk.
I work on a university campus and college kids seem particularly oblivious to this.
4. Mass transport seems to be high on the list of peeves.
let people get off the fucking elevator first.
stand to the right on the escalator.
don’t block doors on the metro/subway, no matter how crowded it is.
don’t stand in the middle of a sidewalk staring at your phone.
don’t stand on opposite sides of a hallway having a long conversation.
so many rules about standing/walking that people just don’t seem to understand.
3. Not doing this will eventually cause your (justified) murder.
Chew with your fucking mouth closed unless you have some kind of issue where you cannot physically do so.
2. Keep your hands to yourself.
Don’t touch people unless they say it’s ok.
Don’t touch people’s pets unless they say it’s ok (and don’t complain if you do it anyway and get bit by a nervous animal).
1. Etiquette for the modern human.
Also, when someone is showing you a picture on their phone, you should not swipe left or right. Or just don’t touch anything, especially messages and photos/videos, on anyone’s phone without their consent.
Not all of these bug me, but some of the definitely do!
Did any of your pet peeves make the list? Did we miss some? Share with us in the comments!
