16 People Muse on the Creepy Things Plants Might Say If They Could Talk

Image Credit: Reddit

It’s that time of year again when we all really start to appreciate plants – the lush green grass, the pretty flowers that promise spring, the scent of lilacs blowing on the breeze…

Of course, other people enjoy and even manage not to kill their plants indoors all year round. Imagine that!

Here are 16 plant lovers who think they know their leafy green and flowered friends well enough to speak for them.

The results, I’ve gotta say are pretty hilarious.

16. So many dirty plant minds!

Everytime you water them, they just moan “Yes! Get me wet!”

15. I assume it gets louder when they hear a mower.


all day, everyday, nothing else

14. Yes, that dirt on your toes.

You would not believe the sheer volume of feces that go into the dirt every. single. day.

13. Ooh I never thought about its secrets.

“Guess how many decomposing corpses are in this soil right now?”

12. Males of the species are all the same.

Dude my leaf is bigger than your penis..

11. This is a bit unsettling.

Or when it’s really windy they scream like they are on a roller coaster.

10. They are judging you.

Watch me slowly die in your care.

9. The plants are definitely angry, I think.

”You like decapitating my children and giving their corpses to your loved ones, don’t you?”

8. You knew this one was coming eventually.

“Feeeeeed me, Seymour.”

7. Think about what happens to people when we die…

‘we’re actually farming you….”

6. Too bad they can’t sound an intruder alarm.

We watch you while you sleep

5. They like bees a lot more than I do.

Screaming in ecstasy when a bee collects their pollen.

4. All plants are British in that way.

Hey, if you keep feeding us, we’re gonna take over your fucking garden.

3. Dandelions like to talk dirty.

A dandelion after you blow it: “Oh yes, spread my seed like the slut that you are!”

2. It’s definitely true that trees have seen some sh*t.

I went to tour a concentration camp a few years ago and there were these giant trees lining where the barracks used to stand. As we walked further along to the back where the ovens were, we came across a thick small area of woods that had several mass graves dispersed throughout it.

The things those trees would say would be what atrocities they witnessed. How many people tried to hide behind them, or climb them, to escape or live a little longer. How many tears were shed under them from fear.

Everything would be a true statement. But the creepiest?

“I watched them all arrive. I watched them all die. I could do nothing to stop it,”

1. If trees could talk…we might not like everything they had to say.

You and your gf/bf are getting some in your secret make out spot and imagine a tree saying thats not the one you did yesterday.

Funny, sure, but anyone else hoping this isn’t true? I have no desire to meet the world of The Happening in real life.

Especially not the lawn mower.

What do you think your plants would be saying? Mine would mostly be screaming GIVE ME WATER WOMAN!