16 People Muse On What They Would Do First if They Woke Up as the President

What would you do if you woke up one morning to find yourself the President of the United States?

That was the question posed to Redditors, and I’ve gotta say, very few people were interested in giving serious answers.

If there’s one common thread, it’s that no one actually wants to be President, and honestly, who could blame them!

Here are 16 funny, semi-serious, and almost-practical responses.

16. Sadly, we’re used to it now.

I’d get up around 4AM and start tweeting stuff like “Lowest rated Oscars in HISTORY” and “Great, now I can go after Horseface and her 3rd rate lawyer in the Great State of Texas. She will confirm the letter she signed! She knows nothing about me, a total con!”

15. A man after my own heart.

Get some chocolate chocolate chip ice cream.

14. A hero, then.

Smoke a J, cup of coffee, take a shit, rub one out….then start planning my zero-tolerance crackdown on spam callers.

“Alright we are going to need 15000 guillotines”

13. Good luck with that.

I would make the SEC do their job for once in their lives.

12. The side hustle.

tell everyone to subscribe to my youtube channel lol

“Citizens of the United States of America. As the newly sworn president of this great land I have but one message for all people. In these trying times do not forget to like, comment, and subscribe. Ya boi Pres69 signing out. Peace! “

11. He’s just getting to work.

Go to the oral office.

Make insulin free for anyone that needs it. It’s ridiculous how much people have to pay.

10. That’s very specific.

Change my name to President Camacho and carry around machine guns.

9. A nice short list.

Find out if we’ve had any contact with aliens.

What happened to Epstein.

Exactly how much does the government track its citizens.

8. A man after my own heart.

Immediately get up and go have my chef prepared waffles and eggs benedict in the oval office in my undies. Send a fancy plane to get my granma and mom to come hang at the WH with me.

Go to war with nestle over their water rights and shit cause they’re just the worst.

7. He’s thought it all out.

You sit at your desk in the Oval Office tapping your foot impatiently. A man in a black suit and sunglasses enters the room and hands you a manilla envelope with “TOP SECRET” stamped on it.

“Finally!”, you exclaim in triumph.

You open the envelope with a wide grin. As you skim through the pages your grin fades, your eyes widen, and your jaw drops.

“Holy —-…”, you mutter.

You look back at the man in black and say, “The American people cannot know the truth…”

“That is the correct answer, Mr. President.”, he calmly states.

“So… what would have happened if I’d had given the wrong answer?”, you ask.

“Refer to the section on Mr. Epstein.” He states as he walks away…

6. Probably nothing?

Take a big old dump on the front lawn. Just to to see what they would do. What could they do?

5. Who needs to have fun?

Not a funny answer, but I find a way to break up the Presidency into distinct offices for economic policy, foreign policy, healthcare policy, etc.

Instead of voting for a person – we vote for a panel or even for individuals to fill each job every cycle.

It wouldn’t be as fun but I think it would be more effective for progress.

4. Making real change.

Retail employees are now allowed to beat the crap out of the customers who are mean to them.

3. I approve this answer.

I’d spend one day a month working with the innocence project to pardon people that were likely wrongfully convicted yet failed to get a retrial.

Apart from that, I know enough to know that most people overestimate the actual power of the executive branch, but my expertise isn’t really in politics or policy.

I’d probably spend time making sure I had a competent cabinet and group of advisors to get me up to speed.

2. A solid list.

First thing that I’m gonna do is disclose all those U.F.O.s, put Jimi Hendrix on the 20 dollar bill, and Bill Hicks on a five note.

The Democratic process. What a time to be alive.

1. They’re gonna be popular.

Daylight savings is gone.

Resign and let someone qualified have the job.

I have no idea what I would do but I think “panic” would be part of it.

How would you answer this question? Tell us in the comments!