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17 People Muse on the Remote Learning “Pandemic” Options at Hogwarts

It’s times like these that the imaginary worlds we love are more important than ever. They’re still intact, unchanged and unbroken, there for us to escape into whenever we’d like.

That said, it can also be fun to imagine how our favorite characters would be if they were living in our bizarro timeline – which is exactly what these 17 people are doing when they dream up what online alternatives would be for classes at Hogwarts.

17. A horror version, for sure.

So, here’s where the horror of Covid comes into play.

Picture Harry Potter in his abusive home, and in lockdown.

16. They’re definitely not going to use a computer. How boring.

Everyone gets a moving painting of their teacher so they can learn from home.

15. A mystery to keep everyone occupied.

There are now furious discussions on the UK birdwatching messaging boards about the uptick in the sightings of owls carrying scrolls

14. I knew those owls would come in handy.

The school has owls that are free to use. I’d assume they go round once a week or so to pick up assignments. Considering how mail owls act, kids who don’t have assignments ready would have to finish them quickly while being harassed.

Muggle houses can be connected to the floo network in special circumstances. The family would have to purchase floo powder locally or owl order it though.

13. They have so many options!

Floo meetings.

Just try not to eat soot as you stick your head in the fire.

12. No mask required.

You know that bubble charm used during the Tri-Wizard Tournament?

11. Maybe they’ll share the cure with the rest of us.

Witches and wizards can easily heal non magical diseases. This is covered in the books. Injuries or normal sicknesses can be wand waved away, it’s only the magically-caused afflictions that require a really advanced magical treatment.

Remember when Madam Pomfrey said it would have only taken seconds to fix Harry’s broken arm, but since Lockhart had zapped his bones away it would take all night? It’s likely that COVID would just be a nuisance, a quick charm to zap it off each kid on arrival.

The really scary alternative is that COVID is a magical illness which has escaped out of the Wizarding world into the Muggle world, the wizards are scrambling to figure out how to fix it, and also how to cure the whole Muggle world without blowing cover. A very tense meeting ensues between the Minister of Magic and the Prime Minister.

10. Smartest answer I’ve seen.

Hogwarts wouldn’t close for COVID.

Hogwarts didn’t even close when Magical Hitler returned from the dead and was conducting an active pogrom in the area and had some of his people as infiltrators running the place.

9. I would pay to see that.

Every single lesson taught via howler.

RON WEASLEY I KNOW YOU AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION EVEN WITH THIS HOWLER. REMEMBER, IT’S LEVIOSA, NOT LEVIOSA, YOU F%CKWIT.

8. No one admitted Voldemort was a real threat until like the last book.

But yeah like it did stay open when an ancient racist monster was clearly on a rampage, so your point stands that probably wouldn’t close for a mere pandemic

But there was nothing clear about the monster or even any proof that there was a monster. They had no idea til the end of the book how or why the victims had been paralyzed. The staff took the precaution of mandating that everyone travel in groups accompanied by professors, which was about the best they could reasonably do with the attacks being a mystery. Plus, the basilisk ultimately paralyzed several people and a cat with no fatalities, while a disease is a clear threat killing huge amounts of people.

Also, wasn’t there a point where Harry overheard Dumbledore stating that they would likely have to shutdown soon if the mystery wasn’t solved? Sure it took them the better part of a year to get to that point, but it was there as a last resort option.

7. You’re obviously not paying attention.

You think Poppy fu*king Pomfrey, the bossiest witch ever, wouldn’t have a potion against something mere as Covid?

6. But they would just conjure their masks.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Maskaban.

5. Best typo ever.

They could use the flu network like the talking head thing, talking patronous’s, 2 way mirror’s as shown in books 5&7, chalk boards that have a protiant charm on them like the DA’s coins.

So many possibilities. And I’m not a Harry Potter nerd at all!

4. A pretty accurate description.

Poor Harry. An entire year of Dudley throwing tantrums because he is not allowed outside to meet his buddies and also no one to bully except Harry.

Uncle Vernon going on about how this is all fake, yet wishes it on Harry so that they can just dump him at a hospital where hopefully he’d just die because that is what Dursleys do for Potters. That wish is sabotaged by aunt Petunia from the get go, who just at the mention of anything covid-related starts disinfecting the entire house and everyone in it.

As a result everyone has lost all skin on their body from her not just making them wash their hands constantly, but also bathing in chemicals to eradicate all traces of the outside world. No one can smell anything anymore due to noses being overwhelmed, which leads to Petunia being convinced everyone is sick and the cycle starts again.

Harry is not allowed to use magic, since he is a) not in Hogwarts, b) around muggles and c) has no school supplies as they all had to be disinfected by Petunia, which she did by burning them. Hedwig is not allowed inside, because who knows what diseases birds carry, and gets to stay with the Weasleys.

I think I just turned it into Petunia and the Barrel of Purell..

3. They might have to rethink the “magic outside of Hogwarts rule.

Just spitballing here since I’m not like super well versed on Harry Potter lore, read the first book and watched all the movies. Anyway I think a big issue would be that if I remember correctly, it’s essentially a rule that you can’t use magic as a student when you aren’t on campus?

Like I get that you could say “well classes are still in session so they would just have a waiver to practice at home”, but the issue is that when they practice spells on campus they have like a master level professor right there with them and their school’s magical nurses office available so when things go haywire you have someone who can jump right in and counter the spell or whatever and people trained in healing any sort of magical mishap all there.

If you are practicing at home and turn yourself into a frog or something then I would imagine even if a professor can see it via crystal ball or something then there is to be some range limit on their ability to step in and people like Ron seem to live out in the middle of nowhere, or worse still you might have a student like Harry who doesn’t have like permanent residence in the magical world and lives in the muggle world and good luck getting that home study approved or getting them help of something goes wrong without a big scandal.

2. Those muggle problems.

It’s not closed.

They probably don’t even know what covid is. some

Muggle thing only muggles get, probably.

If anyone gets sick then they’ll just have em chug potions until they are fine again.

1. “Caught with their bubble down.”

They wouldn’t close, they would cast a magic bubble around all students and call the practice of keeping it up and active “extra credit”. Any student caught with their bubble down loses points for their house.

Any student showing symptoms is sent to madam pomfrey to suffer in shame for their muggle level ineptitude. After all, covid is preventable without magic, add magic into the mix and suddenly there are no excuses.

It’s a good thing I’m not a teacher there, because I am so not this creative!

Do you have an idea to add to the list? Share it with me in the comments!