The funny thing about the first person you do anything with – kiss, feel up, have sex – is that you just assume that’s the only way to do things. Which is fine, if it’s good, but another story altogether if it turns out to be bad.

Or, as is the case with some of these people, just plain weird.

These 18 people dated that first person for a long time, and they’re here to tell you what came as a shock when they first got into a relationship with someone knew.

18. Too many guys think foreplay all happens in the bed.

Not every guy wants to throw on Motown and slow dance with you. Some of them don’t even care to touch you.

I miss the slow dances.

17. Not all expectations are bad ones.

I see so much horrible things on here, mine is quite tame but here goes.

My first boyfriend would always leave me small presents or notes underneath my pillow if I had to get up earlier than he did. He was quite romantic and told me I love you quite a lot.

When I got a new boyfriend I caught myself looking underneath my pillow for at least a month/2 months in, just out of habit.

16. You can’t make anyone else happy.

My ex put her happiness on me making it my responsibility.

Would demand I stay around and cut my work hours back and then be upset when we wouldn’t have money to go out. Every time I would try and leave I was coerced with sex to stay, because I was young and stupid. After 8 years I had enough I moved 5 states away.

Had a chain of bad relationships that ended, took some time to work on myself and I’m now engaged to an amazing woman I can communicate with share feelings about issues and who values a healthy relationship.

15. The grass is never actually greener unless you water it.

That you should be happy together now, and not constantly waiting for some vaguely defined future where everything’s settled down.

14. I guess it’s how crappy men are.

Psychological abuse.

I have a physical reaction now when my current partners are nice to me when I do something he would have berated me for hours and locked me in my room for. Like, I get a panic attack because my partners are nice to me when I drop a glass, or got laid off, or forgot to unload the dishwasher. And then they don’t bring it up every time they’re irritated with me. My ex was still yelling at me 14 years later for shit I did when we first started dating – shit like I forgot to pick up his laundry from the floor or bought the wrong brand of bacon. At the end there, the lectures lasted hours as he recounted 14 years of offenses.

My current partners? They don’t throw shit in my face that I did the day before. The dissonance is crazy.

I knew the other abuse wasn’t normal, but my step dad is the same way with my mom, so I had no idea, I just thought it’s how men are.

13. Those are both things I’m happy he/she figured out.

Daily binge drinking until I realized a) I’m an alcoholic and b) hetero relationships don’t work when one partner tries to drink the gay away

Only took me 9 years but I got there eventually

12. Not everyone’s love language is physical touch.

That some girls, in a relationship, don’t like to kiss as often as others.

I’m just talking about pecks when I/gf gets home etc.

I always enjoyed a hello kiss but I guess some girls don’t?

11. Was he…drunk?

Not me but the girl I’m currently dating said that her first long-term boyfriend would stare at himself in the bathroom for an hour or so before going to bed each night.

10. I’m emotionally spent just reading this.

being cowed into an “open arrangement” = normal.

Him introducing me to “friends” while hanging out or going to parties and then him telling me later in the evening after the ice had broken that they were actually the girl(s) he was fucking. Capitulating to his insistence that we continue to hang out even though I was uncomfortable with knowing this new information. = Normal.

Him making unwelcome and uncomfortable comments to other women I was friends with in front of me to attempt to orchestrate threesomes that I was not ok with.= Normal

If you love me, you’ll chase after me = Normal

If you love me you’ll leave face time up at all times so I can see whats going on in your dorm = Normal

If you love me you will not show any sad or mad emotion because it ruins my mood = Normal.

9. Well that made me giggle.

I thought most guys liked having their nipples played with because my first ex did. My second boyfriend was so confused when i started licking his tiddy lmao

8. If it’s the right person, the work is always worth it.

People’s love languages are all different. It’s especially jarring when you have a lot of experience doing things a certain way, and then finding out that isn’t what somebody else needs. It can take some work to figure out what’s inherent to yourself and what was learned from your partner.

7. Everyone’s libido is different so she probably wasn’t trolling you.

She made me believe the old TV tropes of women NEVER wanting sex. I had to work my ass off to get her to give me some action.

The next girl I had was just fucking amazed that I didn’t just ask for it when I wanted it. The bewildered look on her face when she finally asked “You realize I’m horny too right?”

6. When they can make you believe anything they want.

My ex basically taught me that it wasn’t okay for me to be upset about things. Every time I would get my feelings hurt (even when I was upset about something completely unrelated to him) it was somehow flipped around so I ended up reassuring and comforting him. That shit really messed me up, and I basically had to relearn how to be vulnerable with my SO. He also had a very solid plan of how he expected me to live my life, basically his main goal for me was to have kids and be a good housewife. Yikes.

On the bright side, nowadays I’m happily engaged and my fiance treats me with so much love and respect. He’s supportive of my dreams and we are able to lean on each other in times of hardship.

5. What a fantastic moment.

I texted my then new girlfriend about where I was and who I was with about every 30 minutes.

After the 3rd time, she told me that she didn’t need to get updates on what I was doing, and to just let her know when I got home safe. I remember feeling almost a physical weight being lifted off my chest because I didn’t have to worry about my girlfriend freaking out if I didn’t update her.

I learned what trust felt like that night.

4. I know this isn’t funny, but maybe it will be someday.

That every time was essentially a quickie.

Almost a whole decade of nothing but 5 thrusts and then blast off.

After that relationship ended I felt like Jasmine on a magic carpet ride….a whole new world.

3. Relationships are hard, but not every day.

This is morbid but I thought it was normal to argue every day. I thought ‘all couples have their bickering’ and it was just a regular thing.

I was astounded when I went into my next relationship and actually got on with the guy and went weeks and weeks without having any issues. It always felt like the bubble was going to burst. Goes to show – don’t stay in a relationship just because you’ve already invested a tonne of time. You get one life, spend it with someone who makes you laugh every day.

2. This sounds like it’s going to work out.

It wasn’t super long term, only about a year but when you’re in high school that’s fairly long term.

My ex was a very clingy dude, sweet but would follow me around every social gathering and get jealous of me spending time with my friends. When I started dating the guy who is now my husband I remember looking around at a party early on of mostly my friends that he hadn’t met before and I couldn’t find him. I asked someone where he was and he was out by the fire with a group of people chatting and hanging out.

I was astonished that we could just go our separate ways in a social setting and that was totally fine, we didn’t have to be attached at the hip the whole time.

1. This is so depressing.

Porn is not a documentary.

Being used as a sex doll, contorted into uncomfortable positions, and pounded until you bleed, can’t stand up, or just break down crying from the pain isn’t normal, nor is anal sex a necessity. We were both virgins and he had major porn brain.

I thought I was bad at sex and would never be able to have a positive experience with intimacy until I finally left him and was with my second boyfriend.

I’m ok now, but wow was that a horrible person to lose my virginity to.

I think stuff like this is just plain fascinating!

Which of these surprised you the most? Could you add something to the list? Tell us what it would be in the comments!