If you’re someone who is out there looking for a serious and/or long lasting relationship, there’s a good chance you want to be on the lookout for red flags when it comes to maturity.
Take if from me – way too many people have learned how to hide it until you’ve gotten in way deeper than you might have liked.
If you’re leery and don’t want to miss something simple, these 20 people have ideas about how you can gauge whether or not a guy still has some growing up to do – before you invest to much time and energy.
20. He refuses an honest chat.
Stonewalling and refusing to have a mature conversation about problems in the relationship.
Going silent in an argument. Mostly intentional, such as silent treatment. However people can also unintentionally go silent as an automatic coping mechanism against their own emotions.
That could lead to something called pursuer-distancer dynamic, which is extremely common and I guess pretty normal although painful.
19. He waits to talk.
If he doesn’t listen to who he is talking to.
Like, he waits to talk instead of genuinely listening.
18. He’s kind of an emotional hot mess.
Inability to admit they’re wrong, condescending attitude, thinks they’re the f**king main character, proceeds to belittle others when they don’t have any other arguments, yeah sounds about right.
17. He doesn’t really mean it.
Shrugs, says “my bad” and makes the same mistake again.
16. He won’t make small sacrifices for a better future.
I knew my ex hadn’t matured when I told him I thought we should try saving money to move into a better apartment. I said I was going to cancel my gym membership, shop for cheaper groceries, take my lunch to work instead of buying my food, and reduce our Netflix account to 1 screen instead of 2. I suggested he maybe choose a gaming membership to cancel (he had 3), bring his lunch to work, and maybe come up with a drink rotation when him and his friends got together instead of him always buying the drinks. He got angry and said I was a kill-joy and that there was nothing wrong with our apartment.
Our apartment still used electric coils in the wall to heat the place and 2 of them smoked when you turned them on. The stove routinely caught fire. There was a significant roach problem. And the apartment downstairs was broken into multiple times. I had found a really nice split home for $80 more per month in a quieter part of town and it was being privately let by a very nice older woman who moved out when her husband went into a care home.
I knew then that he would never grow up if he couldn’t make those small sacrifices.
15. He doesn’t know how to apologize.
A sign that anyone hasn’t matured is not being willing to apologize when they realize that they made a mistake and caused damage especially to someone else’s emotions.
I should add this because I think I’m not being fully understood here. If you did something wrong, know that you did something wrong, don’t feel remorseful and are not acknowledging what you did and whatever consequences your actions caused, are getting angry with whoever points out the obvious mistake you made, are making false excuses and arguments or blaming the victim, you are immature.
If you genuinely didn’t do anything wrong then you have nothing to apologize for.
14. He doesn’t think ahead.
My ex had gotten a DUI a few years before we met. Not a huge deal, people make mistakes and he was working to improve himself and his life. I was paying most of the bills and driving him to/from work, basically planned my schedule so I could drive him.
I had somehow managed to save up a few grand, including my tax refund, to help him pay off his fines and get his license back.
He looked me dead in the face and said, “I don’t need my license, you drive me anywhere I need to go. I’d rather get a new TV.”
We didn’t last long after that.
13. He’s unwilling to look in the mirror.
Inability to self reflect in a meaningful way.
I think the best I ever did was sit alone in my room and actually question why I think the way I do about the world and the people in it.
I always thought people assumed the worst in me, and that’s why treated me like I was an asshole. Turns out I was just preemptively being an asshole as a defense mechanism to not get hurt or tricked by people. My family is a bucket of crabs unable to ever figure out how to properly treat people with respect. all their jokes to me were constant personal attacks, so I guess I learned somewhere along the line that you apparently just roast the shit out of people for any little thing they do.
So in short, I thought about why I felt like people thought the worst of me, and it’s because I thought the worst of me and showed it to them. So I decided I would treat people how I want to be treated, not how I thought I should be treated.
So I guess that’s an example of self reflection.
12. He can’t empathize.
General Narcissism, treating people as lesser than them, talking over/interrupting others, overvaluing their own opinions to the point of arrogance, trivializing others accomplishments or skills, escalating confrontations with family or friends that they treat like shit while acting completely friendly around people that they don’t know to paint themselves as the “Good Guy”, Self Centeredness.
Acting Personally attacked when you say “No” or call them out for treating you badly, Lack of common courtesy for those around them, and not having the ability to understand or respect the fact that they would be upset if they were treated the way they’re currently treating you so they’re in the wrong.
General inability to Empathize can be a good gauge of this usually, but the hard thing is that they’ll be “on their best behaviour” to lure you in
11. He doesn’t do basic chores.
Has a meltdown when asked to do basic chores because he “doesn’t like doing them” and then threatens to move out because of this.
Like, please f**king do you child.
10. He has no accountability.
Blames the people around him for the consequences of his own actions.
I’ve done plenty of that in my life and it’s a major sign of growth when you start to take accountability on your own terms instead of when someone calls you out.
9. While screaming the loudest.
blatant disregard for others while saying others are inconsiderate
8. He can’t budget his money.
Needed help paying bills (utility, internet, etc), but bought a gaming chair, a flat screen tv, a boxing bar, a ps5 and a butload of testosteron pills. Really struggled with priorities.
7. It’s never his fault.
He doesn’t acknowledge nor take responsibility for his actions and/or the consequences. Won’t obviously apologize for it.
When they are never at fault, someone else is always at fault or “made them do it”, or always has an excuse ready.
6. He thinks everything is a competition.
Brags about his bed count/d*%k size/s^xual prowess… Public or private settings, I don’t think it matters, it’s tacky af and 99% of the time is bulls*%t.
If you actually do have a nine inch d*%k, short of you pulling it out and slapping it on the table for all to see, no one is going to believe you so just keep it to yourself and whoever is in your bed.
5. He needs to grow up.
Honestly, when he acts like a toddler.
Do small inconveniences make him throw a temper tantrum? Does he punch walls and hit stuff? Does he get upset when he doesn’t get his way?
If you can imagine him as a toddler, he’s a weenie and needs to grow up.
4. Just don’t.
calling himself an “alpha male”
3. He can’t control his emotions.
my BIL was five years my senior and as a gift I got him a laptop to game on.
He told me he “Got mad’ once at a game and “Damaged” the laptop.
I came to fix….
he punched down into the keyboard with the fury of Goku.
I’m like: “Well, whoever pissed you off? They won.”
he didn’t like that comment.
2. He thinks he knows it all.
If they get offended when you communicate how you want them to please you
1. He doesn’t clean up after himself.
Doesn’t clean up after himself.
I’ll do you one better; doesn’t clean up after himself and has his gf clean up for him. Used to hang out with a guy like that back in the day and steered clear of his room.
I would have to agree with all of these, but also to caution you that no one is perfect all the time. Right?
What are some other red flags that indicate immaturity in your eyes? Drop them in the comments!