11. Leo
My first year teaching high school English. I was showing my class the DiCaprio version of Romeo and Juliet, and one girl was staring at the screen intently with a puzzled look on her face. Finally, a light went off and she said, ‘How can he be in this movie? He died in Titanic.’
12. Jump
I used to work on the Brooklyn Bridge as an ironworker…One day some poor soul was standing towards the edge and was contemplating jumping. I told my foreman and he called the police, at about this time all the trades on the bridge started to gather and watch this man. Maybe 5 minutes go by and someone starts a ‘Jump!’ chant. This dude was going to kill himself and now he has about 40 people egging him on…he jumped. Quit my job and moved across the country, fuck those fucking fucks.
13. Hmmmmm……
I had to explain that Halloween, in fact, can never be on Friday the 13th.
14. New water
I once had an argument that rain was ‘new water’ bestowed to us by the Earth. My friend truly believed that water did not recycle, and the consuming it meant that it never saw the Earth again. Also believed that anything flushed down a toilet or drained was burned and evaporated into nothingness.
15. Genius
Some people in my class thought The Boston Tea Party and the Attack On Pearl Harbor were the same thing. This was my high school class…
16. “Not Academically Enriched”
I was a TA in high school for a regular High School, I think it was World History course. So not Honors, not ‘Academically Enriched,’ but not quite eating your own feces either.
Anyways, get to class and the power is out so of course everyone is going nuts cause…it’s dark, I guess? So the teacher still wants to lecture and the kids all groan. That is until one yells out, ‘Let’s watch TV!’
YAAAAAY!!
Everyone starts chanting, ‘TV! TV! TV!’ I’ll never forget the teacher’s face as he looked at me. His eyes filled with disappointment about the future of our country. Unable to realize that no electricity also meant no television. Sad.
17. Oceanographer
First day of college, girl raises her hand and asks why there are two Pacific Oceans on the map.
[The professor] turned to look at the map, turned back towards the class and motioned with her hands and said, ‘the world is round.’
Literally the best “fuck you” response a professor could give.
18. Gasoline
I was hanging around with my friends. One of my friends had just gotten his very own moped. It needed a fill up, so they went to get the jerry can with petrol in it. We were in the middle of an apartment building complex at the patio. My other friend wanted to see how much petrol there was, so he used his lighter to help him see. I immediately said ‘stop that! It will catch fire.’ He did not believe me so they decided to test it by pouring the petrol on the ground and to try lighting it up. The person who was pouring the petrol got scared and jumped once the petrol caught on fire and dropped the jerry can. The rest of it splashed to the ground and formed a 10 meter (32 ft) tall fire spiral.
19. That is a big word
I was at work and explaining to a coworker how to put wrap on a cooking wrapping machine and I say, ‘You have to pull it taut.’” And she just stopped and said ‘That isn’t how you use that word. You can’t teach a wrap.’ And my bosses come in and I had to convince them that taut was a word and they told me that I shouldn’t use big words like that all the time. Taut.
20. The world is in GREAT shape
The morning after the EU referendum in the UK. People around me in work: ‘So, as we’re leaving Europe, does that mean there will be eight continents now?’
Because they didn’t know the difference between Europe and the European Union.
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