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22 True Stories About Awful Co-workers You’d Totally Want to Strangle

By on January 24, 2017 at 7:04 pm
Photo Credit: Pexels

16. Cathy the Thief

Cathy used to steal my tips when I was a server at Swiss Chalet. In fact once she stole all the money a customer had left for their meal. She told me they had dined and dashed. ‘Luckily’ I knew the people who’d ‘dashed’ – they lived in my college residence. So later that night I got home and accused them of dining and dashing. They told me they’d left the money and a nice tip and that I was a [jerk] for accusing them. They called my manager at Swiss Chalet (Cathy) and got a bunch of free coupons. A year later I was working elsewhere and a former coworker told me that she’d confessed to the whole thing one night while drunk, and thought it was hilarious. Stupid Cathy.

17. The Shirker

We had a guy who would spend all day doing literally nothing but play Angry Birds on his phone and go on random 20 minute walks through the building.

He had 3 different managers in HR meetings because he accused them of bullying him anytime they decided he needed to start working.

And the cherry on top was he was desperate to be a white knight so would falsely tell people’s girlfriends they were being cheated on then offer himself as a fedora clad shoulder to cry on.

18. “Intentional pest”

I had a boring summer office job working in newspaper archives. Some other college guy would brag about everything. The women he was dating, his money, his car, fights that he had been in. To make matters worse, he was an intentional pest. He’d hover around people just to make them feel uncomfortable.

One day I asked him to please go away. He ignored my request multiple times. I gave him a final warning and he suddenly reached down, grabbed my food and started eating it in front of me.

When I stood up, I could see he realized his mistake, but I was already gone at that point and something else took over. I grabbed him by the neck, slammed him face first into the carpeted floor, and told him in no uncertain terms to ever [mess] with me again.

As soon as I let him off the ground, he sprinted to get the boss. The boss walks over to me and says, ‘What did you just do to [him]?’

I seethed, ‘Not nearly enough!’

At that point, we were both warned not to interact. Win-win solution.

19. The Whiner

Worked with a guy whose only intent in life was to annoy people. He never did any work, usually claiming he was ‘new to the company’ and someone with a better notion of the background should do it instead, even after 6 months. Any work he did had to be redone.

He’s spend the whole day singing, whistling and/or tapping his foot. On the many occasions that I asked him to please stop, he’d intentionally do it louder, like a little kid. He wouldn’t miss an opportunity to whine about how little money he made, even though we all made the same, and while most people had rent and even kids to feed, he lived rent-free in a place his rich in-laws owned.

He eventually quit to spend a year abroad doing nothing but travel and smoke weed. Yes, the guy who kept complaining about money took a year off work.

20. Major Dummy 

‘He hit on female co-workers relentlessly, repeatedly begged me to sell him prescription drugs, kept asking me if I would cheat on my wife, claimed to be a Crip (he was a white redhead with a southern accent), and my favorite incident was where he once asked a Muslim co-worker if he would teach him to ‘speak Muslim.’ When corrected that it wasn’t a language, he responded, ‘Oh, I thought it was like Amish.’

21. Stabby McStabberson

I had a coworker LITERALLY STAB ME WITH A FUCKING FORK. It’s our lunch break and it’s around 12. This devil spawn looks at the microwave time, looks back at me, looks back at the microwave and comments “What asshole cooks something for 12 minutes.” I at first thought she was joking so I didn’t say anything. But she kept waiting for the microwave in her self righteous stance. Now I’m thinking holy fuck she actually thinks something is in there. Keep in mind that there is now a lineup to use said microwave. Anyways to hurry things up I politely inform her that it is 12pm and the microwave was displaying the time. Everybody behind me figured out why the lineup wasn’t moving and started laughing. Now visibly embarrassed I notice a twinkle of rage in her eye, and as she tries to play it off cool she jabbed me with her fork on my chest. But the thing no one noticed except me was that SHE FUCKING STABBED ME REALLY HARD.

22. Sam the Racist

Had this coworker one time at a bank that we’ll call Sam. Sam would go into the breakroom and dip his fingers or already-licked spoon into everyone’s lunch and the ice cream we used for celebrations. He would sexually harass all the female tellers and constantly invade their personal space. He would roll around in his chair behind the teller line and taunt working tellers and piss off customers who thought he was still on the clock and not helping them. He would ignore the manager. He would take forever to finish one simple transaction. He always made terrible mistakes, and we’d have to stay late to fix them. He’d purposely antagonize other tellers and prop his feet up on the manager’s desk. On top of her work.

Sam was also a racist and was finally eventually fired for being unable to keep his racism to himself.

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