17. Like mother, like son
My son draws his dreams in great detail. He only draws the ones that bother him. His last few have been related to objects in the sky with odd looking occupants.
What’s even more odd is sometimes his dreams line up with mine.
18. But, we are
My daughters haven’t done many creepy things but I was in the car with them and my best friends when I told my oldest (3 yrs) to buckle her car straps “So they will keep you safe.”
She dead pan says “It’s ok, we are all going to die.”
Freaking kid.
19. Cannibalism, or murder
Conversation with my daughter when she was 2:
Me: “What do you want for breakfast honey?”
Her: “Puppy!”
Me: “Nooo, what–”
Her: “Can I eat the baby?”
Me: “…huh?”
She then goes and grabs her baby doll and proceeds to slam it in the oven. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she didn’t scream “SHUT UP!” at it when the doll started ‘crying.’
20. Where’s the spaghetti?
Just last night my two-year-old daughter pulled her shirt over her head and started running around in her room, bumping into her dresser, her bed, her closet etc. when I asked her what she was doing, she shrieked, “Playing meatball!”
21. Be Like Bear
I once found a capped half-full bottle of murky yellowish liquid near the bathroom sink. I uncapped it and took a whiff. Smelled like urine… and mint! When I asked my 4-year old son about it he told me, “I wanted to be yike Bear Grylls, so I peed in the bottle and drinked it but it tasted… really not good… so I put some toothpaste in it and shaked it, and tasted it again, but it was still yucky so I didn’t drink it.”
22. When I’m gone
My daughter would draw pictures & give them to me “So you’ll remember me when I’m dead.”
I looked like the most uncaring mom because it happened so often I’d look at it & say “OK. Thank you” as the daycare teachers would gasp.
23. Sadistic
Talking to my wife about needing to update our wills since we’d moved house, and I jokingly said to our 1-year-old, “That means if Mummy and Daddy die, you get all our stuff!”. He looked at both of us, his eyes shifting back and forth thoughtfully, then slowly smiled.
24. Going quite wrong
When my little girl was born, she had a period. Aged about 1 day. Something about hormones going wrong.
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