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Redditor bradred101 is a 25-year-old virgin which is NBD, except for he would no longer like to be a virgin. In an effort to take a dip in the female sex, bradred101 took a course of action that sounded fool-proof: get drunk at a bar. Unfortunately, the Fates decided that bradred101’s weekend outing would not end with sex, but with a disastrous story he shared on Reddit’s TIFU forum. On the plus side, there is a quasi-happy ending for bradred101.
This happened this past Friday night/ Saturday morning.
I always been shy and depressed so talking with people is hard for me. Even harder to talk with women. Plus I don’t think of myself as very attractive and thing women wouldn’t be interested in my anyways.
I am 25 and a virgin. I never kissed a girl or even held a girls hand before. So I figured I do what everyone seems to do in the movies and go to a bar and see what happens. I don’t drink but I have read it can make you less shy and more out going. What could possible go wrong?
So many things.
Its Friday evening and I decided to go downtown and find a nice bar with lots of people. Got there around 6 pm and sat down at those stools at the counter. The lady behind the counter asked me what I wanted and since I don’t drink I had no idea and just told her this is my first time.
She starts listing off bunch of stuff like beers, cocktails, shots and bunch of other stuff I really can’t remember. I figured I would try a little of everything and see what I like.
As you can perhaps guess, this is where bradred101’s story takes a rough turn.
I started off with a Molsen Canadian. One of the few beers I actually do know. Tasted horrible, they all tasted horrible. But I kept drinking one after the other and just having random beers and shots and cocktails. After the 3rd one I felt a little sick and threw up in the bathroom. Felt much better after puking.
Its about 1 am, not sure how many drinks I have had. I probably puked about 4 times and still have not chatted with anyone except the lady behind the counter who was the one asking me what I wanted to drink. I trip and my glasses get knocked off as I was making my way to the door. A woman picks them hands puts them on my face and asks me if I was all right. Told her I was fine and just had to much to drink.
We both head outside and start walking and she asks me where I was headed. Told her I was going the skytrain to go home. She grabs my arm and pulls me towards her and wraps her arm in mine and said the skytrain is closed this late and why don’t I just stay the night at her place.
It’s a great success, until things get started.
We get to her place and as soon as we walk into her apartment she starts kissing me and I am standing there like an idiot. I never kissed before so didn’t really know how to.
She happened to guess what I never done this before so she said she would teach me. At this point I am getting excited and nervous at the same time that somehow I will fuck it all up. After some kissing she takes my pants off and I am already hard.
She teases me with her tongue then proceeds to give me a blowjob. I take off her shirt and she goes back to blowing me as I tried to take off her bra. Words can’t describe the feeling or my emotions as it was finally happening.
But it didn’t last long as I had just managed to take her bra off that I felt something run down my penis. I didn’t realize what it was until the smell hit me. She had puked on me while giving me a blowjob. The smell and the sight of her puking soon took over me and I also vomited all over her head.
I pulled up my vomit covered pants and ran to the bathroom and quickly got into the shower. Started to wash myself and my clothes the best I could. She having taken off all her clothes came into the shower with me and apologized repeatedly as I did the same.
I got out quickly, grabbed my stuff and left as she was still in the shower. Its about 3 am maybe and since no trains were running I walked around in the cold, rainy night.
Once I finally got home I quickly took another shower for god knows how long. Luckily it was a Saturday and my family was still asleep. Went to my room and passed out.
Upon waking, bradred101 had the pleasure of his very first hangover. He did not enjoy the experience, nor the onslaught of messages from his new friend.
I wake up to my phone ringing but I couldn’t move my body. I just laid there on the bed with my eyes closed and a massive headache. My whole body was in pain.
I eventually fell back asleep and just woke up few hours ago. I took another shower and when I got to back to my room I noticed I had about 4 calls from her and dozen or so text messages. I don’t remember giving her my phone number so not sure how she got it.
The texts all were basically her apologizing and wanting to make it up to me. I have yet to respond and don’t really know what to say.
TL;DR: Lonely virgin. Got drunk. Met a girl. Things got wet, really wet.
Redditors were full of encouraging words for bradred101 and strongly supported the idea that he and his mysterious lady hang out again.
impulsivecactus thought this is bradred101’s chance.
Dude, this is exactly a relationship in the making. Hang out with her again, act like a normal human being and suggest you guys do something like see a movie or go ice skating. Don’t drink.
Make the night about getting to know each other. Apologize as she will also do so. Let he know that it was your first time, don’t be ashamed. Everyone has a different story.
Yojenkz also thought dude should act on this.
Dude… as gross as it was she’s put the ball in your court. Don’t expect anything out of the gate, but definitely give your a game as much as you can. Chat her up, hang out a bit and see where things go.
shakinMyShake thought bradred101 should apologize for puking on her after she puked on him after he puked a few times at the bar.
dude, that’s how marriage stories go, call her and understand her, there are like millions of puke stories while giving BJs. I’d advise you to grow some balls if you want to lose your virginity, the girl seems pretty cool.
Pretty stupid thing to bail on her like that though, she must be feeling like shit. Understand her POV for a moment, no wonder you have never kissed a girl, and she was so understanding…
EDIT: You also puked on her head, which is way worse than puking on your dick so you should apologise more. Also, CALL HER, do NOT text her.
bradred101 finally updated his desperate audience with good news.
UPDATE: I texted her and asked if she was busy to talk. She said she wasn’t busy so I called her and explained and apologized.
I asked her out and she said she gets off at work at 2 so maybe we can get a coffee or something after that. I am just happy she understood me as I felt like I was mumbling and not talking normally. We carried the conversation threw text since I had difficulty talking.
I shall also try to answer some of the questions that I have read.
After the short call we exchanged some texts. I asked her how she had my number since I don’t remember giving it to her. Apparently I gave it to her back in grade 11 we sat beside each other and also had to do a project together in biology. Then another project in grade 12 and finally a class together in University. I remember the high school portion but not the University one.
She bumped into me as we were both leaving and thus my glasses fell. She had recognized me though I didn’t recognize her.
We talked and even had some food before we headed to her place though I don’t remember any of this.
Yes I slept for nearly 30 hours. I had a headache and my body felt weird. Plus all the emotions. Some people eat to deal with stress, I sleep.
I am half Indian and half English. Came here from the UK and no I don’t have the accent as I grew up here. My skin is brown.
Her making it up to me was about her puking and because she thought she had broken my glasses. Even though she had put them on face.
Bradred101 shared about more about his past, then signed off:
Anyways I must get going now. Thanks for the words of encouragement. Have a nice day =)
Even the most dire puke-on-puke stories can end up happily, as long as you hold out hope and aren’t afraid to reach out to that person you barfed on.
This article was first published by our friends at Someecards.
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