I have such a guilty conscience that I don’t know if I’d be able to keep a really huge and dark secret from my significant other.
But then again…you never know, right?
I guess we’re all capable of things we don’t think we’d do…
AskReddit users shared the darkest things they’ve kept from their partners.
Here’s what they had to say.
1. Terrible.
“That the real root of my trust issues stem from how I was s**ually assaulted by my extremely religious godparents’ son when I was 11-12.
It first started out with comments about my body, how I was “filling out”, then it evolved from there. My parents would send me to their house for whole summers and I particularly remember that one, my mom came to visit and I practically begged her to take me home.
She adamantly refused even after I told her I was not comfortable and was scared and she still left me with them. I guess from there I just slowly stopped trusting the ones closest to me.”
2. Nerd alert!
“I f**king H**E D and D.
It bores me to f**king tears.
Yet I’ve orchestrates an elaborate lie that gives the illusion I love it as much as he does and once a month I have to spend 5 hours sitting through a session bored to tears.
I do this simply because its one of the few hobbies in his life he gets to enjoy and I want him to have someone to play it with.
It’s been going on for 5 years now, and I have no way out lol
It’s OK though, the amount of joy I see he gets from playing it gives me comparable joy. So I don’t mind that much.”
3. Dark thoughts.
“I suffer from chronic depression.
My SO is super sweet and supportive, but I am afraid of unloading too much of my crazy on him.
I keep dark thoughts and feelings from him all the time, I’d make him miserable if I didn’t.”
4. Kinky.
“For most of my early 20s I used a fetish hookup website.
I have done some real weird s**t just to see if it did anything for me. A lot of it did but it wasn’t particularly safe and I dodged a bullet not contracting STDs.
I made a lot of amateur p**n during this time and then a gf and I joined an amateurs content sharing site Zoig and made a bunch more.
She knows I’m kinky but I did some pretty f**king weird s**t.”
5. High anxiety.
“I have anxiety attacks when my SO is away.
We joke about me believing he’s d**d when I don’t hear from him often enough, but it’s real. Like hyperventilating, heart racing, crying, rocking back and forth-real.
He loves going on roadtrips and does landscape photography. I can’t ruin that for him.”
6. Who else is out there?
“I keep having creeping thoughts of myself with other people.
I don’t like them, I don’t want those thoughts, but they happen regardless.”
7. Addiction.
“Kept a mild coke addiction from him, then later the start of what would be a very long h addiction (we broke up before it came what it did).
I’d had the personality for it, but never saw an actual dependency coming so I think it was more of a light personal secret/not all the time thing for me at the time.
4 months & 15 days sober so that’s good I guess.”
8. Wandering eye.
“I’m in love with my partner and I’m codependent but I find myself attracted to so many other women it gives me second thoughts all the time.
I feel like a jerk.”
9. Wow.
“I’m an IV drug user on and off.
I work long contracts in isolation far away from home and I use a lot when I’m away. I clean up when I’m going home so my wife can’t tell but I’m still not quite 100% when I’m home with her.
She’s struggling with stuff and it breaks my heart I can’t meet her needs but I need this job to pay for our future. I’m trying to quit the drugs, it’s easy when I’m home but as soon as I’m alone in this stupid little hole in the wall for work 4 weeks at a time I’m back to using. I don’t know how to tell her.”
10. Struggles.
“My girlfriend soon to be fiancé has no idea of my extreme mental health struggle in the past how I used to be medicated and even checked myself into a hospital when I was extremely s**cidal from said medications.
I’ve since been fine and haven’t had a issue of anxiety or depression in years BUT it still hurts me knowing my brain could be so dark.
When she talks about depression or anxiety she just doesn’t understand because she’s never had to deal with it.
So I’ve kept it to myself to not put my old burden on her. Maybe one day I’ll bring it up.”
11. Walking on eggshells.
“I’m thinking of divorce.
My wife is scared of me. If I am working on something and I swear or vent my frustration. She runs to me (usually I am alone) and wants to know how to fix it.
Then she leaves the house when I say I am just mad that: I burned my hand. Toilet is clogged. I stripped a screw and need to drill it out.
She told me this weekend that when I am mad she gets scared, and that just broke something in me since I can’t fully process it.
I don’t know why, I have never even raised my voice to her. But she cringes and covers her ears whenever a loud noise occurs. I spoke to my parents and friends, they think it sounds like she has been a**sed in the past.
But she doesn’t want to talk about it, and when we disagree we don’t even get to argue. She just locks herself away from me and our kids.
We are in marriage counselling because I haven’t been happy for a long time. But she was arguing with the Therapist about what I really feel and how I should take vacations alone since I have had panic attacks on vacation before and that ruins them for me (or maybe her).
I don’t know what to do, but I am tired of walking on eggshells.”
12. Can’t tell him.
“How bad my last s**cide attempt was before meeting him the next year. I had a full meltdown in my apartment and took all of my pain meds (chronic patient).
I was so high I sent out business-like emails and wrote my will on a Wendy’s napkin. I started convulsing and got in the bathtub. I was afraid to leave a mess for anyone who found me. I ripped down the shower curtain to line the tub and climbed in with my favorite blanket and stuffed animals.
I sobbed and thought about everything in my life that bothered me. I just laid there for God knows how long drinking s**tty vodka and fading in and out. I apparently responded to some of the messages from my love interest at the time and my best friend. She noticed my wording was weird and not at all like how I normally write. She called me and threatened to call EMS.
She told me I had to throw them up or she would call my dad too, who lived 2 streets over. I’m terrified of inconveniencing people so I threw it all up. She took her mom’s truck without permission and drove to my apartment an hour away while on the phone with me. I don’t remember much but I woke up feeling horrible in the ER.
The nurse said she ran into the lobby carrying me and screaming I wasn’t breathing. It must’ve been 100% adrenaline because she’s 8 inches shorter than me, and I’m not light. It was bad to say the least.
My husband knows I tried to hurt myself by overdosing but I told him it didn’t work and my best friend tucked me into bed. I don’t have the heart to tell him the truth.”
Do you have any secrets you’re keeping from your partner?
If so, talk to us in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!
