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Kids say and do the darnedest things. And sometimes those things are so hilariously terrible that you can’t help but smile.
These 12 parents ain’t even mad at you!
12. You little s**t…
My nine year old son called me into his room because he had a monster in his closet.
I tell him he’s too old for that kind of thing and to go back to sleep. He pleads with me to check. I open the door and turn on the light, staring back at me is some scruffy looking thing with angry eyes and I scream.
It was a mirror.
I’m trying to see if I’m having a heart attack and he’s laughing his troll a** off. I’m proud of his cleverness but considered if he were too old to be left on someone’s doorstep.
11. 8-year-old bad a**
My 8 year old girl was being bullied by two boys at her school.
So she took them both down. Put one in a choke hold (briefly) and the other kid ran.
Surprise bitches, she’s being doing Brazilian jujitsu since she was five!
Anyway she came home and told me she took both boys out. When I looked at her in astonishment she said “Don’t worry though! I did it on the grass and not the concrete!”
10. Brilliant
My 16 year old son and his buddies decided to call their dodgeball team “Snipe” so that they could “accidentally” stand in front of the whole school with their lettered t-shirts spelling out “Penis.”
9. Mommy’s Little Entrepreneur
My daughter got in trouble in kindergarten for selling pencils to other kids.
She was charging kids a quarter, the school charged 50 cents.
I was pretty impressed.
8. Savage
One night my wife and I were having a discussion with our 10 yr old daughter about the importance of homework, education and her future.
The subject came up because she was busted lying about her grades.
I asked, “Don’t you want to grow up and be successful like me?”
Her response was, “Mom doesn’t do anything and she’s got it pretty good.”
7. Automatically ungrounded for life
My five year old daughter has been getting grounded lately as a result of having bad bedtimes. One morning, she asked me what would happen if she kept getting grounded. She listened intently as I gave a long speech about how the longer you’re grounded, the worse the consequences are, and how eventually you won’t have any privileges left, and on and on and on.
When I was done, she responded: “You’re killin’ me, Smalls.”
6. Prodigy
Last night while at a restaurant, she loudly sang a song she made up about her vagina.
5. This kid needs to chill the s**t out
My daughter accidentally said “S**t” it was just a combo of two words that smushed together to create this curse. I told her it was ok, I was there and I knew the context.
She got so upset with herself, she punished herself by sending herself to bed.
None of my assurances made her feel OK about what she had done.
4. Get this kid in computer science classes immediately
I blocked YouTube on the iPad.
I was a little worried my kid might see some stuff on YouTube not intended for a 5 year old.
My 5 year old found a work-around by starting up Angry Birds, clicking on the Angry Birds Cartoons, then browsing to his favorite YouTuber using the Voice Search function.
3. BAM!
When my daughter was 6, a boy in school was bullying her.
He was confronting her one day, in front of his buddies, and said, “I bet you don’t have the nerve to kick me in the nuts.”
She did.
2. How do you take a compliment like that?
My daughter loves to complement people.
About a month ago we were in the mall with my other kids. I was in line getting food for everyone when my daughter ran up to me and yelled: “Daddy, I love your penis!”
It was both horrifying and hilarious, though I’m surprised I didn’t get arrested.
1. Sharing is caring
My 3 year old dragged a chair from the lounge to the kitchen and climbed up to help herself to an ice cream from the freezer.
I caught her in the act and was prepared to be angry until I realized that before getting herself one, she had taken 2 out for her little brother and sister, unwrapped them and sent them out to the balcony to eat so they wouldn’t make a mess.
I decided she deserved the ice cream.
Alright parents and people who know parents (that’s EVERYBODY)… it’s time for YOU to chime in.
When have you seen a kid do something so diabolical that you were actually impressed?
Let us know in the comments!
Thx, fam!
