If you’re a man, this is a question that eats at your soul throughout your lifetime.
How do I get people to be attracted to me?
Do I try to play the strong, silent type? Or do I present myself as an outgoing, fun person who is the life of the party?
Well, we’re about to find out what people prefer, aren’t we?
Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say about this.
1. The same level.
“Guys who aren’t as good looking but are charismatic and outgoing are on the same level as a shy, introvert, good looking guys.
It’s like yin yang or something.”
“I’d like to posit that there are a lot of things “unattractive” people can do to make themselves attractive.
People really don’t realize what dressing well and grooming can do for a person. And dress doesn’t have to be fancy clothing, just wear clothing that somewhat matches and fits your body.
Very few guys are actually ugly. Maybe not good looking, but compared to women, average is very achievable for a lot of men.”
3. Well, there’s this…
“Quiet guys are only attractive if they themselves are attractive.
If an ugly guy is quiet, you’d consider them weird or creepy.”
4. This guy knows from experience.
“Being the “quiet guy” for the majority of my life and now being the “loud, semi obnoxious guy”, I have gotten much more female attention lately being the latter.
Just my two cents.”
“I had times where I was loud and times when I was quiet.
Being loud got me laid, being quiet made me mysterious but never led to anything physical, despite there being a clear understanding that we liked each other.”
6. Gotta get noticed.
“I can imagine that there’s a market for quiet guys, but there’s still the first hurdle of them getting noticed in the first place.
A girl can’t fall for a quiet guy if she never even heard of him before.”
7. Confidence is key.
“As a heteros*xual woman I can say it’s not about being loud or quiet but rather about having confidence.
Typically someone with confidence isn’t shy and quiet, and confidence is attractive. I am much more attracted to a guy with confidence who knows how to express themselves and hold up a conversation, rather than a guy who acts timid and isn’t willing to open up.
It screams insecurity”
8. There’s a difference.
“There’s also a difference between extroverted and talkative.
Most of the guys I like never shut up and have no filter, but in a nerdy “okay now that I’ve started talking about this I can’t stop” way. None of them liked parties, big social outings, etc.
They are just very excited about whatever it is they happen to be excited about at that moment, and you never know what they going to say.”
9. Not a fan of the loudness.
“I am a quiet person so I prefer guys who are also quiet.
I don’t really like when guys are super loud, I find that if I am trying to talk it always gets overshadowed.”
10. Being outgoing helps.
“Everyone has a type, though as an ambivert I’ve found it way easier to get to know and date girls when I’m outgoing than when in more reserved.
I think the sweet spot is being outgoing enough to get people to notice you and want to be with you and be reserved enough so you’re not annoying and people get interested in getting to know you.”
11. You can do both.
“The best is a combination between quiet and outgoing. Usually if there are a lot of outgoing people in a group, I’ll be quiet.
If people are a bit awkward and the ice isn’t broken, I’ll be the first to try and make conversation.”
12. Good luck out there…
“As an older guy, i will just throw this out. Guys, you MUST learn to approach women.
I don’t mean you have to be the life of the party. I don’t mean you have to be Vic Ferrari. (Andy Kaufmann character) But, unless you are good looking, especially in the slim willowy poet, or nerdy genius with curly hair and a big schnozz that some women find attractive sort of way, forget it. Women will not spy you across the room and want to meet you.
Now, loud boisterous jocks are not every woman’s cup of tea. But that does not mean they do not expect a man to have the balls to approach her.
For lack of a better venue, I will throw this out. Learn to meet women on the street and in bars. You would not believe how easy it is. In the street, walk up to a woman and say, hi, I saw you and wanted to say hi. She will either blow you off or stop and chat. After a few minutes, invite her for coffee.
In bars, take your drink and walk around a crowded bar and say cheers, what are we toasting? when they ask you what you are toasting, say, I just met some awesome people. Cheers. people love that. Sooner or later, a nice woman will be intrigued and want to talk to you.
If you are shy, I know it sounds hard. Start with baby steps. Just way hi to women in the street. Rejection will not kill you. Sooner or later it will work.
If anyone wants a little encouragement, feel free to message me. Am I a master seducer? No. But I know how to actually converse with real live women. And, trust me, women these days can barely believe a guy talked to them on the street. I once met a woman in a bar.
She heard my name and said , I met a guy a while back with that name., with this romantic haze look in her eye. It was me, having met her last month for a minute on the street. She still remembered because most guys do not do that. I didn’t follow up the first time because she was too young. But it as pretty sweet to be remembered like that.
Not even sure why I am writing this. Believe me, it is not to brag. I was a flop with women most of my life, then I realized how easy it was to walk up to women on the street. They actually are more responsive on the street than in bars because it is more unusual. it is like a movie to them.
Anyway, too much wine. But, to all the quiet guys, it is not helping. You do not have to be a macho jock studs. Most of them have no nerve, especially without alcohol . Just learn to walk up to a woman and say hi. Even if she is not interested, she will usually be nice about it, so don’t worry.
Good luck. Every good man and good woman deserves a good partner to marry and have a nice family. Cheers.”
13. Let’s end on this note.
“Girlfriend of an introvert here!! I like to joke that we’re only together because I talked for the first 3 hours of our first date (I was nervous – it was like word vomit).
In reality it’s because while he’s quiet in big spaces, when it’s just the two of us he makes me laugh until I cry, he’s sweet, sensitive, and absolutely the best person I’ve ever met.”
Now we want to hear from all the readers out there.
Which do you find more attractive: quiet men or outspoken fellas?
Share your thoughts with us in the comments. Thanks!