Check Out These Indecent Facts About History That Are Usually Left Out of History Books

©Unsplash,The New York Public Library

We’re currently in the middle of a fight for what our history means in the United States right now and people are drawing lines in the sand about how they want events and people from the past to be remembered…if they’re to be remembered at all.

It’s complicated, it’s ugly, and it’s divisive, but it’s all brought us to the point we’re at today.

And a lot of information and stories get left out of history books for one reason or another, so it’s important to dig into the past and discover the truth behind the stories we’re told.

AskReddit users shared some interesting stories from history that you might not know about.

1. I did not know that!

“Ancient Egyptians believed the god Atum created the universe by m*sturbating to ej*culation, and that the ebb and flow of the Nile corresponded to how much he came.

To honour this, the pharaohs ceremonially m*sturbated into the river.”

2. Leaving a trail.

“Lewis and Clark described the screaming sh*ts that they got from eating unfamiliar food in detail in their journals.

Scientists were able to track Lewis and Clark’s campsites by following the mercury they sh*t out “all across America”.

3. A real rebel.

“It’s becoming more well known, but Mozart wrote a chorale literally called “Lick my *ss” to piss off the bishop who employed him in Salzburg, hoping to get fired so he could go to Vienna.”

4. Interesting…

“Patrick Henry (the American founding father better known for his quote, “give me liberty or give me death”) kept his wife imprisoned in a cellar because of her frequent outbursts due to postpartum depression.

His wife had eventually died in that cellar, and he had buried her in an unmarked grave.”

5. Wow!

“French President Félix Faure died while getting his d*ck sucked :/

The whole press joked about his fate, with numerous word games. The lady he was with was nicknamed the “pompe funebre”, which is the name for funeral services in french and also literally means “funeral pump”.

There was also, as one of the comments described, the phrase “He wished to be Caesar, but was only Pompey”, Pompey is Pompée in french and its pronunciation is identical to pompé, which means pumped.”

6. Bet you didn’t know that.

“During World War I, pr*stitutes in Britain were more expensive if they had STDs.

This was because if a soldier hired them and got infected, the soldier could be honorably discharged, and not have to fight in war.”

7. Big d*ck energy.

“Big d*cks were considered barbaric in ancient history.

The Greeks especially thought that it showed men with big rock hard full blooded cocks were full of lust and low intelligence.

This is why most of their statues today have them displaying a small d*ck.”

8. Very scientific.

“The first thing the “Father of Microbiology,” Anton van Leeuwenhoek, put under a microscope was semen. They understood that semen was integral to the creation of life but didn’t yet understand the concept of single-cell organisms.

He fully expected to see tiny little humans in his j*zz.

So yeah, the first thing he did was whack off on a slide and look at it.”

9. That sounds painful.

“George Washington had severe hemorrhoids, to the extent that he couldn’t even ride a horse into battle sometimes, and had to be pulled on a cart.”

10. Time to take a ride.

“Paul Revere would ride from Boston to Newport, RI to cheat on his wife.”

11. Bad boy.

“Ben Franklin had a string of pearls that was several feet long.

He would add a pearl to it each time he slept with a new woman.”

12. That’s creepy.

“President Grover Cleveland, 49, married Francis Folsom, 21, in the White House.

He was basically her godfather and even bought her a baby bed when she was an infant. She knew him as Uncle Grover as a child and told him she wanted to marry him in the White House one day.”

13. Magic!

“The great magician Houdini once escaped a prison cell while fully nude as to not hide anything to escape.

However what the guards failed to check was that he hid a skeleton key in his *ss cheeks.”

Do you know about any juicy tidbits from history that most folks never learned about?

Please share them with us in the comments!

We can’t wait to hear from you!