Relationships and cheating are sensitive subjects (hello, captain obvious), and rightfully so. Our feelings for other people are dear to us, and the inner workings of long-term, committed relationships are deeply personal for everyone involved.
I think sometimes the people in the affair with a married person is given a pass because it’s not their vow being broke, but this poster on Reddit is having none of that.
They say that both people are equally morally bankrupt if an affair is risking a marriage, and these 14 Redditors are ready and willing to offer their own takes.
14. It’s always personal to someone.
If you do this you’re choosing to involve yourself in another person’s relationship, despite what you might tell yourself. “It was nothing personal.” Ridiculous excuse. Just own up to what you are doing. Your actions will likely lead to a great deal of suffering in a person you may never meet. Is the person in the relationship to blame? Absolutely. Are you also to blame? Absolutely.
Also all this shit is not created equal. Some people have it thrown at them. Others chase after it despite rejection, sometimes succeeding eventually. I’ve seen cheating partners try to cut things off and make it right with their partner and the girl on the side keeps trying to get with them. It’s all bad behavior though some instances are worse.
Edit: another thought on this, a lot of people say “I don’t owe the other person anything.” That’s true. You don’t owe random strangers on the street anything either. But you know it’s wrong to go punch them in the face, or help someone else punch them in the face. This is especially the case if you help the cheater hide the affair, ie find times and places to meet in secret, coordinating how to communicate, not telling others, etc. All of this is a deliberate and planned deception carried out by two people. It’s your life and you’re free to do what you want. But you’re lying to yourself if you tell yourself you aren’t doing anything wrong.
It should go without saying but this doesn’t apply to people who don’t realize they’re dating someone who is in a committed relationship. Nor does it apply to people who aren’t in committed relationships in the first place.
13. Yes…as long as they knew about the marriage.
I’ve heard about people who sleep with a married person because they didn’t know that the other party was married, and those people are almost always incredibly guilty when they find out.
The people that f*ck someone while being married without saying they’re married, and then let it slip post-f*ck, are the absolute worst of the whole bunch.
12. Definitely a heavy question.
I feel like bad person is a simplification, more like person doing a bad thing. MLK was a cheater himself.
Was he a bad person?
People are more than one thing.
11. I never thought this was really a thing.
I never got hit on as much until I put a fat shiny gold wedding band on my finger.
I am not what you’d call a good looking person or smooth. My only attractive qualities come out once you’ve known me a bit.
Got married, and for the first time in my life I had randoms come up to me and hit on me. The first time I was so confused I asked her if she really meant to talk to me. She laughed and said yes. My reply was, oh well have a nice night, and I left.
10. One can be worse.
I disagree with it. They aren’t equally as bad as each other. The person cheating is worse.
9. In this situation, she’s the a$shole.
Checking in. When I was 21 I had a wild 8 months with a lady much older than I was and quite attractive to boot. She had lots of money and I got to travel to lots of cool places and even got a car out of the “arrangement” lol.
One day she offered me over to her actual house, not the “other” house we met at usually. I walked in and saw pictures of her and another man, and I instantly knew and was 100% not happy about it. She the proceeded to express her love for me and talk about an actual relationship that involved her leaving her husband. I left and that was that.
She still texts me periodically 8 years later…..
8. Would anyone really argue?
That’s a bit messed up, because I agree completely, going after someone you know is already in a relationship is pretty scummy.
7. The other woman always get blamed.
Most people I know would blame a ‘mistress/lover’ but not a SO, for cheating.
Like SO is some sheep or a dog, who didn’t know any better.
6. Not everyone feels ashamed.
I remember having a convo in my mid twenties with my best friend and her friend (I didn’t know her well) about this subject. The friend was dating a married older man and was very proud of herself. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.
They normalized it to the extent that they reduced my objections to immaturity. I always felt that as a woman I never wanted to be the cause of another woman’s pain and anxiety. Not to mention that karma always gets you.
Cut to a few years ago, and she actually came to me to lament about that period of her life and the karma that she had accumulated.
5. IF they didn’t already know.
People also need to stop getting mad at people who hooked up with a taken person unknowingly I’ve seen it happen so many times and I find it so ridiculous.
They were lied to as well how are they the one in the wrong???
4. No one said it’s not exciting.
There are whole communities that fetishize cheating because of the excitement of the con and not getting caught.
There are other ways of getting a pump of adrenaline that doesn’t involve fucking with a person’s life and mental health.
3. Someone has to take the blame.
I agree. I got cheated on and I wasn’t even remotely mad at the girl, especially because once she found out that he (my ex bf) had a girlfriend (me), she told me right away. And also because he forced himself on her (he didn’t have sex with her, but he kissed her and made her do it several times. he also forced himself on me, in other ways than just kissing. dude is a mega POS).
I think people get mad at the person that their bf/gf cheated on them with (even if that person didn’t know that they were taken) because they’re jealous and have an emotional connection with their SO, so they’re directing their anger towards the wrong person.
2. It’s a sliding scale.
I’d say you’re bad, but not as bad. The other person didn’t make a promise of fidelity or monogamy and isn’t breaking that promise.
This is assuming that other person is a perfect stranger with no existing relationship with either party.
1. No bones about it.
If you knowingly have s^x with someone you know is cheating, you are a bad person.
I don’t get how people can say otherwise. It doesn’t matter what the excuse is.
It doesn’t really matter if you aren’t the one who is in a relationship, you’re choosing to participate in the cheating.
I’m not sure I agree across the board, just because there are so many different scenarios that might play out in varying ways.
What are your thoughts? What colors your opinion? Tell us both down in the comments!