It’s not easy to understand our bodies. Sometimes they do things that require us to ask the experts: doctors.

Of course, even though doctors are used to blood and guts, regular folks can feel strange asking certain questions. That’s why some people ask a question “for a friend.”

Leave it to AskReddit to ask doctors about their best stories. And as you can tell, they spilled the tea! Here’s some of the best.

As a bonus, a lot of patients also shared their embarrassing moments.

15. This Interesting Urologist Question

“Wife’s dad is a urologist. When we first started dating a friend of mine wanted her to ask if any of the penis enlargement pills were legit and actually worked.

She went with the “asking for a friend approach” and he immediately assumed she was talking about me. Thanks babe!”

Builder_Bob23

14. Careful With The Laxatives!

“One girl was interested in laxatives “for a friend.” She try to learn everything about the dose, where what to buy, how to drink.

She was brought in a week later with complete intestinal atony.

She tried to lose weight so much and drank two or three tablets at a time.”

SiberianDoctor

13. Staying Clean, Eh?

“I asked my doctor about AA for a friend of mine. Really. Years later the doctor still asks me how I’m doing with my sobriety.

I’ve stopped trying to convince him I really was asking for a friend.”

designgoddess

12. An Interesting Pregnancy Question

“I was asked the following:

‘So if I swallow cum and flush it down with vodka, do I still get pregnant?’

She was in early 20s, she waited for her actual friend who broke her nose in a bar fight.”

InhumanVoice

11. Some People Give Themselves Away

“ER doc. Had a guy who just got out of jail a few days earlier came in with his GF who had signed in for an STD check.

Walk in to meet them and he says casually “Is it possible to get gonorrhea in your throat?”

At that moment I knew he had gonorrhea in his throat.”

emergencyDAD

10. Keep Your Stories Straight!

“Not a doctor but pharmacist. Someone called the pharmacy one day, a young guy, I picked up.

“Excuse me, how much does Viagra cost? Is there anything cheaper? I have someone that needs it.”

I explain everything and suddenly …

“Will it work if I take it with alcohol?”

The guy began asking for someone else, at the end was for him and was asking just because he wanted his little one to work while drunk….”

CSKoi

9. Well, Zits Are Annoying

“My father is a doctor and he got a call once in the middle of the night from his call share doctors patient.

The man asked what to do about a bump on his “friends” arm that he scratched and something came out. He mentioned it was leaking a little oil now.

It was a zit. He scratched a pimple.

Woke the whole family up at 3 am because he had to page my dad over a zit.”

Freyja_the_derpyderp

8. People Do Strange Things To Enhance Their Member

“Not a doctor. But I was an intern.

I was in the OPD and this man from a different province came in and told me his friend has injected petroleum jelly in their member years ago and that now it’s getting painful. Yeaaa, he came back the next day and showed his lumpy member.

Edit: For clarification, this is done to increase girth of the penis.”

witch35048

7. Trying To Get The Marijuana

“Studies have been done about the affects of THC on glaucoma.

When I worked for a glaucoma specialist we had a hippie-type person come in with their family member for a new patient eval and ask the doctor to sign paperwork okaying a medical marijuana script for “the patient’s” glaucoma.

Problem was the patient was totally fine, didn’t find any signs of the disease and his eye pressure was within normal limits.

And the doctor did NOT appreciate having someone try to trick him.”

GLaDOs18

6. A Story From a Professional Cuddler

“Divorced women / cougars like to explain muscle strains as sex injuries to get a rise out of docs.

Best way to deal is to stay monotone and not react, “patient describes proximal adductor muscle pain in hip flexion during recreational activity … rated 7/10… Pain is now present during ambulation….”

If you don’t react, they move along. Doesn’t take long in the office to have seen and/or heard everything. I’m not interested that you are recently divorced, started working out, and discovered Tinder. Good on you, but it takes more to get a rise out of me.

One colleague in training had a “professional cuddler” with a similar injury. Doc was very conservative, possibly on the sheltered side, and in front of 2 of his superiors during the case, and she was not shy. I would add she was not visually what I assume most would hope for in a “professional cuddler” either.

That one I enjoyed, on account of him — not her.”

Gavooki

5. Not A Doctor, But…

“Not a doctor, but was mistaken for one by a drunk dude at a costume party once. Ok, twice. Sent him to sober up the first time, comes back 5 minutes later with no recollection of our first conversation and asks me for painkillers, and at which dose they kill you.

I gave him the number for the suicide prevention hotline on a napkin and told him that they can help with the issue. He happily staggered away and I haven’t heard from him since.

Either he got help, or he didn’t, but either way, it was a weird experience.”

Kartoffelkamm

4. But Are You Single?

“So not me, but a person I saw.

So the patient, sick as heck, staggers to the doctor and at the absolute loudest possible voice she said “ARE YOU SINGLE? Betty wants to know.”

Betty was her childhood pet cow.

The doctor calmly says, “I’m sorry, but I am not interested.”

We were all busting out laughing and I barely could breathe. I later asked the doctor how he kept a straight face he said “laughing on the inside, it’s a lot like crying on the inside.”

That is now the hospital I frequently visit.”

Redd_UwU_Hai_

3. Asking For A Puppy…

“‘Asking for my puppy…’

I took a class in medical parasitology. The professor, a PhD in parasitology, once had a very concerned neighbor bring him ‘dog poop’ that had human pinworms in it. He suggested the neighbor take his “puppy” to the “veterinarian” for some albendazole and assured him that the infection would resolve.

Pinworms are still a common (and very treatable) infection, even among first-world children…but not puppies…”

Girl_on_a_bicycle

2. Interesting One About Lice

“I asked in a pharmacy if the hair lice shampoo Was suitable for pubic lice!”

robertjames70001

1. No Regrets!

“I was part of a tattoo removal study.

I asked the Dr what was the worst tattoo she ever saw. She said that there were some really bad ones but the one that stuck in her head was the burly biker that got a “No Regrets” tramp stamp in flamboyant calligraphy.

She said she almost asked if it was consensual.”

MrRemoto

Judging by these questions, there are a lot of adults who need a refresher about how pregnancy and STI transmission works.

It wouldn’t come as a surprise if there are even more stories out there.

If you have any, the comments section is totally ready for them.