Different folks have different dreams in life, but I know that for some men, having their own “man cave” space at home can be something they really strive for.
That said, if you’re buying a house with a partner, you’ll probably want to discuss with them if and which sections of the house will be “yours” exclusively – a fact that this man learned the hard way.
He and his wife just bought a good-sized house they plan to keep long enough to raise a family, but for now it’s just the two of them
He assumed that if he let her “design” the main level, he would be able to take the entire basement for his “man cave” without her input.
I (26M) just got married to my wife (25F) back in September.
My wife and I have been saving and investing throughout high school and college, so we were able to close on a really nice house. The house is 2800 sq. ft and comes with 5 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, a finished basement, a back patio with a hot tub, and a kitchenette. We bought this house as we are hoping to raise a family in this house.
So we have two living areas, the basement living area and the main floor living room. I figured my wife would want to take priority over the main floor, so I said that she could design the main floor living room the way she would like as well as the master bedroom, but I wanted to design the basement living area the way that I want.
His wife was put out that he would assume the area would be just his, and she’s also not a huge fan of what he planned to use the space for in the future.
My wife asked why she can’t help with the basement, so I told her that I wanted to turn the space into a man cave, so whenever I invite friends over we would have a place to hang out.
My wife was angry when I mentioned what the space would be used for and she said that she did not want to space to be turned into a man cave and that we both had to agree on how the basement living area would be designed and what it would be used for.
He thought she was being unreasonable, since he “let” her design the main level and there are plenty of other rooms they could divide to use for their special interests.
I was a little irritated after hearing this and so I told my wife that I am letting her design the living area and master bedroom 100% the way that she wants, and that I just wanted the basement living area to be completely the way I want.
I also added that since we currently have no children and are not expecting one at the moment that she could use any of the bedrooms for something extra.
After I said that my wife start guilt tripping me saying that she was offended that I was “excluding” her and how this is not just my house, but how it’s our house.
They can’t come to an agreement, though, so he’s done the reasonable thing and put it to Reddit.
I haven’t started anything yet in terms of designing the basement living area, but I really want a space in the house that’s kind of my own and is designed the way that I want.
I’ve tried explaining this to my wife but she keeps saying that I’m being selfish so I wanted to know if I am really being an asshole here.
Whose side are they on? Keep reading to find out!
The top comment points out that this is probably a discussion they should have had before buying the home, before anyone assumed anything.
Even his solution of her taking a bedroom feels a little off to this person.
The way we word things can really reveal quite a bit.
Yeah, women like sports bars and fun too!
Just the audacity.
It looks like this is a rare instance of a husband listening carefully to feedback and being able to admit they were wrong – a rare find!
EDIT: Many people have suggested that I take one of the empty bedrooms and use that as a man cave rather than the whole basement living area. I think this is actually a good idea and I will bring this to my wife and see what she thinks. I will also ask what she was planning on using that basement living area for.
EDIT 2: So far it looks like almost everyone agrees that I am an asshole. I can see why I was wrong here and I was definitely excluding my wife here. I plan on apologizing to my wife as well as asking her what she would like to do.
EDIT 3: Ok so this post blew up overnight so I will give everyone a quick update. I apologized to my wife for excluding her and getting ahead of myself. I also talked to my wife and asked what she wanted to do with the house. She said that she’s fine with me taking the basement bedrooms to be used as a man cave, while she will use the upstairs bedrooms for her own space. The basement living area will be used as a home theater, and my wife also said she would like for me to be involved in designing the rest of the house (living room, master bedroom, kitchen, laundry room, etc.). I really do see now why my original plan was just not a good idea.
I’m happy that he’s listened and the two of them are going to work together to split up the room in their home.
How would you have felt if this was your partner? Lay your thoughts on us in the comments!