I’m a nice guy, give me a chance…
Have you ever heard that before?
Or have you ever SAID that before?
Well, if not, today is your lucky day because you’re gonna hear some stories from AskReddit users who gave “the nice guy” a chance…let’s see how it went.
“He was criticizing everything I did.
Why do I go to university, why do i live where i live, why do i do my makeup, why do I do popular things (he h**ed everything that ‘popular’ people did, which I wasn’t he just had these idea that there are things that popular people do and like and things that only nice people).
Which is crazy considering the fact that we were already in our 20s, he was 28 talking about this pointless unpopular vs popular thing like high schoolers.
Also everytime he thought I was mad at him, he deleted me on every social media. It was frustrating, tiring and hurting. So eventually I stopped talking to him and now I’m labeled as ‘popular basic slut just like the rest of the females’.”
“I was coming out of a string of really bad, toxic, a**sive relationships so I promised myself that I would try to find a nice guy to date.
Well, I had a first date with this one guy, we’ll call him Tim. It was a fine date. He was nice and we had fine conversations. I didn’t feel any immediate chemistry, but I was also not used to dating guys who weren’t blatant a**holes so I figured that was why I didn’t feel an immediate connection.
I told myself I’d go on one more date with him and see if the connection grew in any way. So we go on a second date a week later. It was a short date,.we.had an early dinner, and I was back home 90 minutes after he picked me up to drive me to dinner. Again, no sparks, but he was nice and it wasn’t a bad date. So I told myself I’d go on one more date with him and that would be the deciding factor.
I was still wrestling in my head with the idea that I was just not attracted to him because he wasn’t an asshole and maybe I was just scared of nice guys. Well, on our third date, he asked me to move in with him, offered to put me on his health insurance plan (I was uninsured at the time) and told me he loved me.
I very gently told him that he was a great guy, but he was clearly more invested than I was, and that it wasn’t fair to him, that he deserved to be with someone who was equally attracted to him. At the time he was cordial, but confused, and we parted ways.
Next day, he posts a long, long rant on Facebook about how nice guys finish last, girls only want to date a**holes, he opened his heart and his home to “this ungrateful b**ch” only to be slapped with a rejection. He left it up for a few days,.and then blocked me.”
“I proceeded to be stalked for the better part of a decade, and no amount of blunt statements like “i do not want to marry you”, “i am not interested on you”, “i do not want a relationship with you” would deter him.
It only stopped when I married an entirely different man.”
“A day or two in, he started talking about how I was going to marry him, be a stay at home mom, have as many kids as I could physically produce, and how isolated I would be.
He never asked my opinions, that’s directly against my life plan and always has been, and was determined to go through with it with only details being my choice.
Thankfully got out unscathed.”
5. Couldn’t handle it.
“He seemed great. We hit it off, and worked thru some early issues (he ignored me for days at a time to play video games with his friends, not even a text of hello or sorry, I’m busy).
His mom was diagnosed with cancer about a year in, and I moved in with him so I could spend as much time as possible with her and support him as she was terminal. 8 months after she passed away, a friend of mine found his profile on the dating app we met on (currently active with a paid subscription, same exact profile I met him with).
When confronted, he said he was just trying to make friends, and that I couldn’t count it as cheating because nobody ever messaged him back. We tried to work things out, but he was found a month later on the same dating site, by the same friend. I wish I could say that was the end, but I gave him another chance.
Over the next year he became the most h**eful, miserable man I’ve ever met and I could no longer mentally handle it. I moved out.”
6. Not so nice after all.
“He begged me to m**turbate for him while he drove me home and when I refused, he threatened to r**e me.
And then couldn’t understand why I didn’t want anything to do with him after that.”
7. This is good.
“Self-proclaimed “nice guys” almost never are. If you’re really a nice person, you don’t need to advertise.
Then there are nice guys who really are nice, but in an overbearing way. No girl worth being with for the long term wants to be worshiped.
I did end up marrying a truly nice guy. He made me laugh. He had his own life and didn’t expect me to be his whole world, or for me to change my life for him. He didn’t play games. He listened to what I had to say and didn’t come to me with a lot of assumptions about who I was supposed to be.
He looks out for me, but knows I can look out for myself just fine. He’s kind and I have never met a person who didn’t like him. He doesn’t advertise his “niceness” because there’s no need. It would make as much sense as sunshine advertising itself.”
8. Finally, a nice story!
“Went to high school together, he was 15, I was 16. I cried on his shoulder when another guy turned me down.
Been together since high school, four adult children and four grandchildren.
We have had the best life I could ever have imagined.”
“He manipulated everyone who knew me into thinking that I said horrible things to drive them away from me then used my grief from losing my father as a tool for his manipulation tactics.”
“He was emotionally unavailable.
Literally valued material objects over human life to an extreme.
Openly told me he loved his car more than me.
He h**ed animals.
He hit my sister for using “his” toothpaste.
And that was the end of that.”
11. So bad…
“So bad. I was stupid and 17, he was 29.
He tried to convert me to his religion and planned to propose when I turned 18. I thought I was an adult and could make my own choices, and upon reflection I see that it was grooming.
Now that I’m close to his age… can’t imagine trying to date a 17 year old.”
12. Didn’t go well.
We were high school sweethearts and both had low self esteem. He had the typical “girls only go for tattooed bad boys and never give nice guys a chance” battle cry. He asked me on a date so I gave him a chance.
At first I really was madly in love with him. We eloped when I was 18. I thought it would be my fairy tale, that we would live happily ever after. And boy, was I wrong.
At first he wouldn’t let me have a job. He claimed he was scared something would happen to me while I was at work or out in the city we lived in (he was military right out of high school). So I didn’t work and stayed home basically 24/7 unless he took me somewhere. When he got out we moved back to our hometown and he still wanted me to stay home until he realized we couldn’t afford a place without another income. Only then did he ask me to get a job. And so we bought a house.
He isolated me from friends and family and discouraged me talking to anyone except his parents. It was harder for him to keep me away from people when we moved back home so he resorted to trash talking everyone at every opportunity. So I kept my distance from people as much as I felt I could to “prove” to him that I loved him.
He also routinely accused me of cheating or of wanting to cheat. If I so much as mentioned another man, whether a friend or coworker or customer at my job, he’d say something like “he probably wants to get in your pants” or “you probably want to sleep with him.” So it kept me jumping through hoops to prove my faithfulness.
Meanwhile he used coercion to get s** out of me for himself. He treated it as a transaction. “I did the dishes after I cooked you dinner, so blow me.” He never spent time on foreplay, and his favorite position was one where he didn’t have to see my face and he basically battered my cervix until he was done, causing a lot of pain for me, and wouldn’t stop or go easy if I asked him to.
And as I had been so young when we got married, I thought this was just normal s** in a marriage. After, he would immediately jump out of bed, lock himself in the bathroom and thoroughly cleanse himself while I cried silently wondering what was wrong with me that I didn’t enjoy it, feeling dirty and used.
After so many years of this, my self esteem was at an extremely low point. An opportunity arose for me to actually cheat, so I took it. At the time I figured I was being treated like a cheater already anyway so I might as well have the fun of actually doing it. I told on myself, we separated for a while, and he made me tell everyone we knew that I had cheated and that was why we were separating.
I moved out of the house and stayed with my parents. Once I was good and humiliated in front of everyone we knew, he cried and begged me to come back. Promised the world. We would have kids, he was so sorry, he loved me, our love could conquer everything, etc. I thought at this point that I was lucky to have him take me back because I was such a scummy piece of gutter trash and he was the only one who would treat me “good.”
I know now that the cheating was wrong and I own that, I should have left then.
But I didn’t. I went back. I thought things would get better. But they only got worse.
One night a friend he actually somewhat approved of asked me to have a couple drinks with her at a bar near our homes, within walking distance. Said bar did not have cell reception being down the hill a little bit, and he knew this full well as we went there a lot with this friend and her husband.
I reminded him about the low service before I left and he said he was just going to go to bed. I anxiously checked my phone the whole time but no messages came, my phone was showing a single shaky bar. After a while, he came storming into the bar with bloodshot eyes demanding to know why I was ignoring him and why I hadn’t come home.
Shocked, I tried showing him that no message had come through, but he wasn’t hearing it and basically dragged me out of the bar. My friend followed, giving me a sad pitying look, and the three of us walked home. The silence was broken only by my phone being flooded with text after text after text as soon as we stepped outside. Over 100 of them. His justification for this? He thought some men had abducted me from the bar to r**e and m**der me.
Still I stayed. He had me convinced that any other man in the world would drug me and r**e me, use me and ghost me, or cheat on me and beat me. And since he was so “nice” as to take care of the cooking and cleaning and yard work and he didn’t hit me, I should be so lucky.
He’d get mad at me if he caught me doing chores because he thought that him doing chores obligated me to sleep with him. If I vacuumed or dusted, he’d get all huffy and say “I guess I’m not getting laid then.” If he caught me masturbating, he would chide me for not going to him to “take care” of that since his s** drive was higher – only he was allowed to masturbate and he made sure to leave his fleshlight out so I could see it and feel shame that he even needed to use it.
Once I hit 30, I started fantasizing about having an affair. I even lurked on the affair subreddits. And then it finally hit me that I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I still had terrible self esteem and thought I’d never find another partner. But I also thought that I’d be happier being alone than I was in that marriage, and that thought was so freeing. So I finally left him for good.
I know this was long, and there’s still so much more I left out. But if it helps anyone avoid a similar situation, it’s worth it to share.
“NiceGuys” who advertise their niceness to anyone who will listen are not actually nice. They use basic, bare minimum niceness as leverage to get s**, and they will become abusive if they don’t get it as frequently as they feel they deserve it. They don’t actually see women as people – we are possessions and s** slaves to them. It’s driven by deep insecurities they have in themselves.
They don’t feel good enough to attract someone, so they leverage “nice” deeds and pity and a**se to keep you around even though they don’t actually like you as a person. They’re desperate not to be alone and will take the first person who shows the barest interest and then tear them down to keep them from leaving.
Beware anyone who says they’re a NiceGuy. The actual good ones won’t say it with their words. They just are. The good ones will show you with their actions that they’re worth your time.
They listen, they help out without expecting rewards simply because that’s what adults in relationships do, they won’t coerce or guilt you into s**, they’ll hold you afterwards or even just whenever you need it, they never make you feel bad for having any feelings at “inconvenient” times. They just are good human beings. And they won’t have to say that they are.”
Have you ever given the nice guy or nice girl a chance?
If so, tell us what happened in the comments.
Thanks a lot!