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One of the few universal truths in this world is that everyone grieves their loved ones differently. Some people go quiet, others scream and punch pillows, and there is literally every stop in between those two on a scale.
Some people, apparently, create interpretive dances…but does that mean they’re allowed to perform them at the funeral of someone who may not have liked it?
That’s the question this man is grappling with as he plans his father’s funeral. He’s including some family members in the plans out of respect, which is how he learned his cousin, who is on the autism spectrum, wants to perform an interpretive dance in front of the casket.
I get this might be a no brainer to some but hear me out.
My dad passed a couple days ago. It was a longtime coming and only made worse by COVID. I’m handling the funeral arrangements as I was named executor of his estate. I included my aunts and uncle in the planning process out of respect.
While we were discussing, my aunt said my cousin, who is diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, wants to perform an interpretive dance at the church in front of the casket to “bid your (my) father farewell”.
He’s decided it’s inappropriate and not the correct time and place for such a thing.
I said no, absolutely not. For one this is all happening in a church. The priest would have a stroke.
Next, my cousin is not a good dancer. It’s his hobby and I’m happy he found something he loves, but I don’t feel my dad’s funeral is the right venue to showcase his moves to Candle in the Wind.
Now his cousin and aunt are both upset that OP is not letting his cousin “grieve the way he wants,” but OP figures the grave would be the best place for this kind of display – especially if he’s planning to record it for posterity.
My aunt is having a fit and my cousin is also extremely upset and has accused me of not letting him say goodbye to him in his own way.
I told him that he’s more than welcome to have a dance at the grave whenever he wants but the funeral isn’t that time (another cousin told me he was planning to record it for a YouTube video which hard no).
Perhaps most importantly, OP feels his father would have disliked the spectacle, and of course it’s his funeral.
I don’t think it’s respectful at all and I know my dad would’ve hated the thing turning into a spectacle.
AITA?
OP thinks this might be a no-brainer, but is he right? Reddit is weighing in below!
This comment reminds OP that it is ultimately about his father and what he would want, and nothing else should really matter.
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Always the bridesmaid.
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The bounds of good taste.
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None of these are excuses.
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Let the aunt make a spectacle out of her own funeral.
Image Credit: Reddit
I can’t honestly believe this was a question on AITA, but I’m glad that it was for the headline alone.
I hope OP gets to grieve and move on and that perhaps this gives him and his wife a chuckle in the years to come.
