Normally any Am I the A$$hole posts that is written by an angry bride is sure to set my eyes rolling, but although this one definitely accomplished that, for once I think the bride may have a point.
This OP (original poster) begins by outlining a lifelong friendship with a woman who has, in her words, been there for her throughout the years.
So, when the other woman planned a wedding halfway around the world and asked OP to be a bridesmaid, she spent the money (close to $5k) to attend even though she couldn’t really afford it.
I have known Jane* since pre-K. She has been a good friend and is the 1st to be there when times are tough – when my dog died, when I was injured, etc.
So when Jane got married, I didn’t hesitate to spend over $4k, which was a lot for me at the time. Here’s a rough breakdown:
$2,500 for a 2-person trip to Spain for her wedding (flights alone were $1,500),
$1,000 on a Caribbean trip for the bachelorette party,
$300 on the bridesmaid dress and tailoring,
$200 for hair/makeup
The two of them have vastly different incomes and both live in NYC. As far as gifts (this will be important later), OP got her friend an expensive piece of cookware for a shower gift and $200 in cash for a wedding present.
There were other expenses that I lost count, like activities/dinners during the bachelorette, bridal shower gift, etc. Jane works in finance and does well, making x times what I do at a non-profit.
So I’ll admit I was a bit annoyed she didn’t offer to pay for things like the bridesmaid dress and hair/makeup, but I never once mentioned it to her. I know I didn’t have to go to everything, but I did have a good time.
For her bridal shower, I got her a Le Creuset oven. For her wedding gift, I gave $200 cash in a distinct envelope.
When it was OP’s turn to get married she kept it simple, with an outdoor venue a short train ride from the city and no required dresses or hair and makeup.
People complained anyway (because they’re people) and she even had to remind her friend that they had traveled all the way to Europe for her wedding.
We live in NYC. When it came time for my wedding, I kept things simple, since it’s still the pandemic. I didn’t have a bachelorette party or a bridal shower. I picked a venue upstate, a 1-hour train ride, so guests could get fresh air in an open space. I didn’t make anyone buy a dress or force hair/makeup on them, which they appreciated.
On the day, I was already having a stressful time with our families criticizing everything. I was also getting annoyed when a few guests complained/joked how they had to travel ALL the way upstate. For many of these people, I had to travel to Mexico City, Quebec, Goa, Hawaii, etc. Heavens forbid they commute an hour.
I mostly bit my tongue until Jane made a side comment about being upstate, and I gently reminded her that we went to RURAL SPAIN for her wedding.
The evening came to a crashing halt when the friend presented OP with her “gift” – which was just the $200 she had received at her own wedding, in the same envelope and everything.
After dinner started, my husband and I were enjoying taking photos at the photo booth, until Jane pulled us aside and handed us “her gift.” It was the $200 cash I gave her at her wedding, in the same envelope and all. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and froze at first.
OP immediately got angry, and the friend didn’t help matters by saying the re-gift was meant to “even the score.”
OP reminded her that it wasn’t even close to what she had spent on her friend’s wedding. The friend eventually left the “gift” with the other envelopes and made a quiet exit.
She said it’s a joke, something about how she was giving friends their gifts back to “even the score.”
I kinda lost it then and said “WTF, this is so disrespectful! Also, I spent $4-5k for your wedding. I don’t need you to give me anything, but how could you even begin to think that this ‘evens the score’?”
She then tried to retract what she said and I do think she felt bad, but I was so angry that I didn’t hear the rest of what she said.
I gave her back the envelope, which she later put into the pile.
The friends haven’t spoken much since, neither willing to apologize or find a way to move forward, which is kind of sad when you think about this being a friendship that had endured since childhood.
I haven’t spoken to her much since. I made it clear that to move forward, she would have to apologize and pick up the envelope. She has done neither.
Half of our mutual friends think I’m overreacting and they think I should apologize, but I felt Jane nearly ruined what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
Was I rude? AITA?
But is OP at fault? Should she be the bigger person? Reddit is weighing in below!
The top comment agrees that the action was off and that the friend really didn’t seem to think the idea through.
Either way, something is definitely going on with that “friend.”
This might be one of the weirder weddings stories to land on Reddit, tbh.
No one thinks she sounds like much of a friend.
Terrible, but possibly funny to everyone not involved directly.
It might be sad to think about the end of a lifelong friendship, but in this case, I think the friend is showing OP exactly how much she matters to her.
Where do you come down on this one? It’s bizarre, right? Let’s talk it out in the comments!