Is It OK For A Father To Tell His Adult Daughter He Thinks He Instagram Is Inappropriate?

Frustrated and overworked businessman burying his head uner a laptop computer asking for help

With the world growing and changing the way it is today, especially in a post-MeToo era, good parents are doing their best to be more thoughtful about how they raise their daughters, sons, and non-binary kids with a sense of individuality and security.

This OP (original poster) is the father of three girls, and only has an Instagram account so that he can keep up with what’s going on in their lives, since they are all now young adults out on their own.

My wife and I have 3 daughters: 24, 21, and 18. They are the only 4 people I follow on Instagram. The only reason I even have an Instagram is because that’s where my daughters post most of their pictures.

I only go on it every few months and that’s just to binge like all of my daughters’ recent picture posts.

He noticed recently that his middle daughter had begun to dress more provocatively, in a way he found inappropriate personally, and after asking her a couple of innocent questions about the change in style, decided to quietly unfollow her account to avoid being made uncomfortable by the content.

He still follows his other two daughters and regularly likes their posts.

Since last year, however, my daughter 21 has been posting pictures of herself in different attires that I find inappropriate. (Emphasis on I – because I see what the young women are wearing these days, so what I find inappropriate you may find mild.)

There was only one conversation we had where I asked why the sudden change in attire and she replied that, that was her new style. I said oh okay and some time later, I quietly unfollowed her because I didn’t want to keep seeing those types of pictures of her on my homepage.

I would get on Instagram, binge-like my other two daughter’s pictures, and get off.

His middle daughter noticed and called to ask why, so OP answered honestly that he found the pictures inappropriate, but reminded her he does still like the images she posts on Facebook.

My daughter called me earlier and she was upset because she noticed I had unfollowed her and that I was liking her sister’s pictures and not hers. I was surprised that she even cared because my daughters have quite a number of followers and likes on their pictures from their friends and other family members.

I told her that I unfollowed because I found the pictures she posted there quite inappropriate. And I pointed out that I still hearted the pictures that she put on Facebook.

She told him that if he felt that way he should have told her instead of unfollowing, but he replied that she was an adult and he didn’t want to influence how she dressed or posted just because of his feelings, he just didn’t want to see them.

He also reiterated that he loved her the same as he always had.

She said that if the way she was dressing bothered me I should have said something.

I told her that I didn’t want to say anything because she was an adult and that my opinion shouldn’t affect the way she dressed.

And that just because I found her pictures inappropriate didnt mean that I loved her any less. I just didn’t want to see them.

None of this made her feel better and she hung up upset. Now his wife is upset with him for telling her the truth, so he’s feeling as if he can’t win – but he’s not feeling as if he was in the wrong with his words or his actions.

My daughter hung up very upset and my wife angrily said that I shouldn’t have said that I found our daughters pictures “inappropriate” and that I should call back and apologize.. No. Absolutely not.

At that point I was just tired and fed up, I told my wife I’m done with this whole thing and walked away.

My wife is still upset so I wonder if I did something to make me TA.

Does Reddit agree? Let’s find out in the comments!

The top comment thinks that OP handled the situation as tactfully as possible, and there may not have been a way to avoid hurting feelings in the process.

Image Credit: Reddit

This person agrees that the daughter isn’t the jerk, either, because she’s allowed to feel how she feels about her dad’s thoughts/decision.

Image Credit: Reddit

Most other parents agree with the dad that the scenario could be uncomfortable for him and that he did the right thing.

Image Credit: Reddit

It can be hard to watch the babies grow up and start searching for their own style.

Image Credit: Reddit

The wife, however, may need to mind her own business.

Image Credit: Reddit

I feel for this poor dad, who really did try to do the right thing for the right reason and found himself stuck in a rough spot regardless.

Is there something he could have done differently? If you have an idea as to what, leave it in the comments!