He Told His Fiancée That His Friend’s Trauma Is More Important Than Her Comfort. Is He a Jerk?

I’m not one to give unsolicited advice very often, but YOWZA…

I would’ve told the dude who wrote this story on Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole?” page to just not say a word about this to his fiancée…because there was no way it was going to end well.

But that’s just my opinion!

Check out his story and see what you think!

AITA for telling my fiancée that my friend’s trauma is more important than her comfort?

“My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis. Our friend group has been picking up the pieces ever since. He’s doing much better now that he’s in therapy, but he’s definitely gone through it.

What has complicated matters worse is my fiancée. It goes without saying that I love her, but she is the definition of a busybody sometimes. My best friend is a very private person. She knows something happened with him, but she doesn’t know the details of what that something is.

She probably never will. But because she’s around me and my friends often as my fiancée and I live in the same house, she hears bits and pieces of the story and presses for more information.

I try to circumvent this as best as I can – for example, I step out of the room for specific phone conversations. But still, it’s hard to limit the discussion about it sometimes. If it’s necessary we bring it up and she’s around in person, we’ll refer to the ‘Nolan situation’ without giving specifics.

Nolan will also stop by my place at night when he can’t sleep. This doesn’t happen all that often – maybe twice a month. He’ll text me or call me saying he’s outside, I’ll go sit with him and maybe smoke a little bit, then he’ll head home. I’ll wait up until I know he got home safely, then I go back to sleep.

My fiancée h**es this. She claims the phone calls always wake her up – they don’t, she just sometimes happen to wake up for the bathroom while I’m outside – and that me not being in bed is alarming.

This brings us to last night. Nolan stopped by and when I came back inside, my fiancée said she was ‘putting a stop to it.’ She said all the sneaking around is making her paranoid, she doesn’t feel like she can properly trust me or be a part of my friend group without knowing the details, and that Nolan needs to stop relying on me so much.

I told her that no matter whether we’re married, dating, whatever, she will never have any ownership over my friend’s trauma, and that she was never going to be able to order me around in regards to it. I also said her comfort was less important than someone’s actual physical well-being. She was obviously hurt by this and went to stay with her mom after work today.


And here’s what Reddit users had to say.

One person said he’s an a**hole and his fiancée should leave him.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Another individual said his friends have been gaslighting her, as well.

Photo Credit: Reddit

And this Reddit user said he’s an a**hole and he should think about calling off his wedding.

Photo Credit: Reddit

What do you think?

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