Sick burns are just a part of life. And a GREAT part of life, I might add.
I simply love it when I am present for a killer comeback to a wicked insult. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside for some reason!
Probably because the people who delivered the insult had no idea what they were in for. Burn!
Are you ready for some great comebacks?
Let’s get to the good stuff with folks on AskReddit.
1. A “mom” burn.
“My best friend: After an argument with some kid from our school in a shop we began walking away down the street…
Kid: “where you going p*ssy?”
Friend: “your moms house”
Kid: “my mom lives the other way idiot”
Friend: “Nah, i meant your real mom.””
2. The bus erupted.
“A friend in highschool on our way to a track meet. He was staring at a car in the parking that was really nice.
When this guy saw him.
Guy: “why bothering looking at that when you know you’ll never be able to get one?”
My friend: “the same reason you watch p*rn”
The entire bus erupted and it’s still one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.”
3. No one cares.
“A dude in my class called out a friend of mine, that people are talking behind his back.
In fact, that wasn’t the case, as far as I know, and that guy said: “Well you know what the say about you?
Nothing, nobody f*cking cares.“”
4. See you in Hell.
“So there were 2 girls fighting and one of them looks at my sister who was minding her own busyness and says: “you go to Hell too!”
My sister: “do you want me to say anything to your mom?””
5. Sick burn!
“English class in Middle School
Kid A – “yo, Kid B, your mama waited on me at McDonalds last night. Must feel like sh*t having a mom that works at McDonalds”
Kid B- ” at least MY mom gets out of bed to go to work”
English teacher far louder than he realized “DAYUM!”
The rest of us were laughing so hard, the teacher next door popped her head in to see what was going on…”
6. Stephen Hawking was awesome.
“Context: John Oliver from HBO interviews Stephen Hawking (may he rest in peace)
JO: And there may be a universe where I am more intelligent than you?
SH: There may even be a universe where you are funny.”
7. Totally bewildered.
“Overheard by me, the school bus driver, one fifth grade student was belittling a first grader.
When it was time for a comeback, first grader shouts out, “Congratulations!”
The bewildered fifth grader had nothing to say and went to sit down with her friends in the back of the bus.”
8. Don’t mess with Zappa.
“Joe Pyne interviewing Frank Zappa
Joe: “I guess your long hair makes you a woman.”
FZ: “I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.””
9. Registered for what?
“Many, many years ago, when we were about 18, a friend of mine was arguing with another person we knew.
This person was trying to be a bad*ss and intimidate my buddy. He says”my feet are registered”.
Without missing a beat my friend replies”Where? Health & Sanitation?”.
Forty years later I still crack up at this when it comes to mind.”
10. Walked right into that one.
“A guy makes fun of his bald friend by rubbing his head and saying, “Wow, your head is as smooth as my wife’s bottom.”
The friend also rubs his head and says, “Wow – you’re right.””
“I used to work with this like 70 year old woman, she was our supervisor.
One day one of the ladies who worked with us told this old lady to “kiss my *ss” and the old lady replied “where do I start, you’re so fat your crack goes all the way up your back”.”
12. Showed him.
“I was a camp counselor for a few years at a summer camp. One day my group took a hike to a large rock where we had lunch. My campers were between 8 and 10 years old.
This one kid we’ll call Jeff keeps poking another kid we’ll call Matt in my group to “look at this hole in the rock, it’s so cool, it’s like 6 inches deep” and the other kid is clearly getting annoyed just trying to eat his lunch.
He keeps shoving sticks into the hole and trying to get everybody to look at it.
Finally Matt just puts down his sandwich, looks at Jeff, and goes “I’ll be six inches deep in your mom later if you don’t shut up.”
I was trying so hard to be stern with this kid for saying something so inappropriate but I kept cracking up, it was just such a disproportionately ridiculous thing to say coming from a 9 year old.”
13. Total strangers.
“Someone yelled out in a Walmart , “I’m not ashamed of who I am”.
Another voice echoed back, “that’s your parents job””
“My grandparents used to bicker.
Him: “If you’d lose some weight, you could do it yourself.”
She fixed her gaze on him, and said “I’m thinking of getting rid of about 200 lbs of useless fat immediately…”
He replied “You’re going to cut off your foot?”
Okay, now we want to hear the best comeback you’ve ever heard.
Tell us all the good ones in the comments!
Please and thank you!