If An Adult Child Needs To Move Back Home, Do They Get To Make Demands?

Parenting is the job that never ends. For moms, it begins the moment they see those two pink lines, and for everyone else, it begins when the baby is born and never ends until you die.


In the current world climate it’s not at all strange for adult children to need to live at home for one reason or another, either temporarily or long-term, and honestly, the majority of parents are happy to help.

This father of two, one daughter who has been living on her own for awhile and a son who has special needs still living at home, is facing a conundrum, though.

I’m a father of 2 “Natalie” ‘age 24 and “Jonathan” ‘age 17. Jonathan had mobility issues throughout his childhood and it got worse as he grew up. He became a full time wheelchair user 2 years ago after he had a serious accident that left him in a worse state than he was before.

Natalie moved out for college at the age of 18 and then moved in with her now ex boyfriend.

Because of their son’s special needs, they decided to move him into his sister’s (bigger) room after she had graduated from college.

She was fine with this and they went ahead with the expensive alterations.

Now I need to mention that because Natalie is my oldest she had the bigger room in the house. Jonathan had the smaller room which was fine by him but now it’s different. With the major changes in his life and needing a wheelchair to move around I have considered to move him into Natalie’s old room that she hasn’t used in years.

I first called her to let her know and she gave me the green light to go ahead and do what’s best for her brother and make his life easier. I renovated it and added things in it to accommodate Jonathan’s needs and it cost money. Remember that was almost 2 years ago.

Fast-forward two years and the daughter is going through a hard time and needs to move home – which is fine with her parents.

She expects them to move her brother back into her old room, though.

Few days ago Natalie called saying she had a huge fight with her now ex after she caught him with someone and was staying at the hotel. We talked a little and she asked me to empty her bedroom and move Jonathan back to his old room because she wanted hers back and said it’d be cool if her mom and I prepare it for when she moves in with us.

Her father was shocked, reminded her she had okayed the move, and told her no.

I was taken aback completely. I said I can’t move Jonathan out since he needs the room. I explained he needs the space to move freely but she said it’s her room no matter how many years she has been away from home. I called her unreasonable and reminded her that she said I could give the room to Jonathan but she said she wants it and expects to have it back now.

We went back and forth on this issue and I refused to give it back to her. She threw a fit saying I should be supporting her and giving her shelter in this hard time and I replied I know she’s struggling and she’s welcome to come but the room was off limits.

Their argument escalated to the point that the daughter accused him of preferring her brother and refusing to come home if she can’t have her room back.

She got more upset saying I was favoring Jonathan over her and got my wife feeling guilty saying she will be staying at the hotel til we tell her her room was ready for her which I declined to do and said she could stay there then.

Now things are a bit messy, with his wife paying for their daughter’s hotel room behind his back and someone spreading lies within their larger family that he’s refusing to let her move back home.

This morning I found out my wife’s been sending her money to pay for her hotel stay and she’s been telling the family I’m keeping her out of the house.

In my defense I told them Natalie wants the room but Jonathan needs it and I already spent money to renovate it.

Is he wrong for standing his ground? Is the daughter being unreasonable? Let’s find out whose side Reddit comes down to below!

The top comment is taken aback not only with the daughter, but the wife, too.

Image Credit: Reddit

We all hope that the brother is being spared the drama, because it could seriously damage his relationship with his sister.

Image Credit: Reddit

This person points out that the brother’s special needs doesn’t even matter – if your parents are kind enough to take you back in, you sleep in the room they have.

Image Credit: Reddit

They hope OP holds his ground, because everyone thinks he’s in the right here.

Image Credit: Reddit

It sounds as if their family has some work to do – perhaps in therapy?

Image Credit: Reddit

I can’t believe how entitled this chick is being, honestly, and also mean to her brother. It’s pretty disheartening and I can’t imagine how her father feels.

If this was your daughter what would you say? How would you handle it? Tell us in the comments!