If Santa’s Lump of Coal Was Updated to the Modern Era, What Would He Give Bad Children? Here’s What People Said.

Let’s play a game, shall we?

I want you to wrack your brain and think about what your answer would be to this question: if Santa’s lump of coal was updated to the modern era, what would he give to bad boys and girls?

Here’s what folks on AskReddit had to say about this.

1. An awful kid.

“This came up in a conversation with a friend the other day.

One year when he was a kid (so probably 25-30 years ago) he got a bag of onions and a bar of soap for Christmas. The soap was to wash his mouth out for bad language; don’t know why onions. Probably his mom had them in the pantry and thought, “Welp, that’ll do.”

Friend admitted he was an awful kid.”

2. Dinner is served!

“Boiled unseasoned potatoes and brussel sprouts.

And boiled unseasoned chicken.

It is as unappetizing as it sounds.”

3. Have fun with that.

“A flip phone and a Walkman.

And no batteries for the Walkman.”

4. Thanks…

“A charger for a device they don’t own.

My dad did that one year, I needed a charger for my tablet, he got me an Apple iPad charger.”

5. Gotcha!


With no WiFi or text messaging.”

6. Sounds like a lot of fun.

“A game with nothing unlocked and everything behind a DLC/paywall/ you pay $999 for full abilities on a single player ROG game.”

7. Bad child!

“A phone charger you have to constantly wiggle to get working.

Or just the wrong charger…”

8. That’s interesting.

“Santa gave coal because coal had a specific use: it was an energy source, used by the family to heat the home, or cook food.

More importantly, coal could not be used by the child who received it in any real fashion. The gift to the child was an item that could only be used for the benefit of the family.

So, to make this short, an electric utility company gift card is the proper answer. Give your sh**ty kid a Duke Energy gift card. Give your wall-breaking tantrum-throwing terror a $50 con-edison credit.

Give your stinky foul mouthed mean kid a Dominion Energy Christmas card. Let them pay the bills for home heating and cooking.”

9. Not a bad idea.

“An alarm clock that you can only turn off after solving a few puzzles.

Once it detects you went back to sleep, it’ll immediately wake you back up.”

10. Anything…

“Honestly just f**king anything at the moment.

They’re such sarcastic b**tard teenagers. I’d need to be sideways psychic to have 5% of a chance of getting them something they wanted.

And even then they’d slightly roll their eyes. I’ve given up.”

11. Good point.

“Some equivalent of downvotes/dislikes on their social media posts.

That’s all a lot of kids care about these days.”

12. Nailed it.

“I’d imagine it being something the kid wanted but as soon as they take it out of the packaging a dye pack explodes that renders said gift unusable.”

13. And let’s end on this note.

“Coal was a gift for poor children because it was valuable to them and they needed it. It wasn’t because they were bad.

It’s just that modern kids don’t understand the need for something like that because their lives aren’t as sh**ty as old-timey kids.”

Now it’s your turn!

What do you think about this?

Share your answer with us in the comments! Thanks!