Yes, you’re welcome to come to the party!
But…I’m gonna need to approve your outfit.
Does that sound agreeable to you?
Well, I guess we can all understand why this woman is a bit peeved, right?
But let’s get all the details below before we make up our minds about who the a**hole is here…
AITA for refusing to go to my friend’s BF’s party after she demanded to approve my outfit?
“My (29F) friend Kate (28) has a boyfriend, Jamie (29), whom she has been with for nearly 3 years.
We met Jamie on a night out, and I would say that although he’s Kate’s bf I consider him a friend. We share an interest in a particular sport that we text about sometimes and if I have a spare hospitality ticket to one of the sporting fixtures, I will sometimes invite Jamie to go.
Jamie’s 30th is coming up and Jamie and Kate planned a big party, and I peripherally helped out with logistics when asked.
A few days ago, Kate texted me. She asked if I wouldn’t mind “toning down” my look for the party, and if I could send her a picture of what I was planning to wear. I asked her what this meant and after asking several times if she “really had to say it” she asked if I could dress (verbatim) “basically what [I] would consider frumpy” because she really didn’t want to be outshone at her own boyfriend’s birthday party.
When I didn’t reply right away she went on to say that she wanted Jamie’s full attention that night, which she wouldn’t get if I showed up dressed properly. I was a bit annoyed by what she was implying so I said if I was going to be so much of a concern for her, I’d rather just politely decline the invitation.
Kate freaked out saying I was being immature by not coming just because I couldn’t steal the spotlight. I said it wasn’t about that, it was about her making me responsible for whether or not I draw her boyfriend’s attention, which is something I’ve never tried to do nor done as far as I’m aware.
She then said it was really important to Jamie that she stand out because his friends and colleagues would be there. I just told her that again, if she was so worried I was going to be distracting everyone, I’d rather not come than feel humiliated from now until the event. I said I would send her Jamie’s gift and she could tell him why I wasn’t coming.
I guess she didn’t tell him the reason because Jamie messaged me saying he knows I’m “booked” the night of the party but he’d really like it if I could be there, and asked if I could reorganise so I could come.
I hadn’t replied, but I got a message from Kate saying she knows Jamie is trying to get me to come and please could I just put my pride aside and come to the party. I asked if she was going to ditch the outfit policing, but she said no, so I said I would not be coming.
She didn’t reply, but I’ve since received a couple of texts from mutual friends saying that while her request is ridiculous, Kate is aware of that, she’s just desperate to be seen a certain way and even if it’s pathetic I would probably feel the same way in her shoes.
Other friends I’ve told (who don’t know Kate) say I should not bow to the pressure and that she’s nuts for even asking, and I don’t disagree, but also I feel bad skipping the party when it’s Jamie’s birthday and he asked specifically that I come. So, should I be going?”
Check out how people reacted on Reddit.
One person said she’s NTA and she needs to tell her friend the truth.
Another reader pointed out that her relationship with her friend is probably over now.
And this individual said she’s NTA and she just needs to be straightforward about this.
What do you think about what went down?
Let us know what you think in the comments.
Thanks in advance!