Relationships are complicated to begin with, but once things like marriage and joint finances are involved, things can get downright nasty if everyone isn’t on the same page.
This man thought he was on the same page with his wife – the each have separate spending accounts and then a joint account they use to pay bills – but after this debacle about her birthday present, he’s rethinking everything.
When OP’s wife’s birthday was coming up, he asked what she wanted. The gift was expensive and a stretch for him, but since he wanted to make her happy, he bought it anyway.
My m34 wife’s f30 birthday was a couple of weeks ago. She was very honest and vocal about what she wanted and it was SL buckled bracelet. I bought it for her and it cost me 300 using my own account (we do not purchase each other gifts using the joint account)
Since money is tight this gift broke my back but still I wanted her to feel appreciated at her birthday.
She was thrilled with the gift, but eventually admitted she’d already bought herself a gift that cost three times that amount – also with his money, from his account.
I gave her the bracelet and she was thrilled. Said she admired it and put it on right away.
Later that night and after the birthday celebration was over I found out that my wife purchased a $900 necklace using my account.
He was puzzled as she explained that she was “worried” he wasn’t going to get her a gift she wanted, so she got it for herself.
As she kept talking, he also started to get mad, thinking that $900 was too much to spend on a gift.
I asked why she bought herself a gift knowing I already purchased her a gift and asked why she used my money. She nervously said she wasn’t sure that I was going to get her anything for her birthday and so she planned ahead and bought the necklace. She said that she used my money because …obviously the gift is supposed to come from me.
I was puzzled as she explained her reasons. I was mad $900 was a lot to spend on a gift, besides I already bought her a gift so this was unnecessary spending process.
He asked her to return the “gift” she bought for herself, and in turn, she called him heartless and offered to return the less expensive gift he bought her instead.
This upset OP and he insisted she return the one he never intended to give her and couldn’t afford.
I told her since I did bring her the gift she wanted then she needed to return the “alternative” gift she bought for herself. She refused and argued that I was being heartless and selfish to make her return her birthday gift. I insisted and told her I’d do it myself if she kept refusing.
She said she will just return the $300 gift but I said no not the $300 gift that I agreed to pay for and she should return the $900 gift I never agreed to let her have.
She did return it but is still angry, involving her sister in the matter and giving OP the cold shoulder, leaving him to wonder if he’s overreacting.
She returned it after I pressured her and kept sulking saying I’m a controlling jerk with no regard for her feelings on her birthday. She got her sister involved and she ended up calling me an abusive a**hole for making money a priority over my wife’s happiness.
It’s been 2 weeks and she’s still cold shouldering me.
Reddit’s about to render their verdict, so keep reading!
There was more than one comment that said, at the very least, the wife should no longer have access to the joint account.
Everyone is wondering whether this is the first red flag behavior OP has seen or if similar things have happened before.
Even if money wasn’t tight, $900 is a lot to spend on a purchase without discussing it first – and this is not the last post to call the woman out for stealing.
There are almost too many red flags here to count.
It’s like she’s going all in on being awful.
I feel sorry for this guy, honestly, and hope he’s sitting her down for a serious chat.
What would you have done in this situation? Let’s chat it out in the comments!