Is This Woman Wrong for Bringing Her Own Food to a Family Gathering?

As more and more people make specific diet choices that are important and healthiest for them, I think this question will come up more and more often. If you have a special diet that includes zero gluten, no carbs, low sugar, no dairy, and so on, how can you be sure there will be something you can eat at a party unless you bring your own dishes?

Some people have very specific ideas about what’s polite at parties and what’s not, however, and so some friction is probably unavoidable.

This woman deals with food allergies and intolerances, and a mother-in-law who believes those things are made up or exaggerated by the people who suffer.

Yeah.

AITA for bringing my own food to my MIL’s house?

My MIL hosted a bbq at her house last weekend. I have several serious food intolerances, as well as food allergies, so I have to be very careful when I am eating food I have not prepared or if I do not know what is in it. My MIL is very aware of my food allergies/intolerances (lactose intolerant, egg allergy, shellfish allergy, strawberry allergy), and has been for the 22 years that we have been married. My MIL is one of those people who believe that you eat what is served or you do not eat, and that food allergies are something that people make up in their heads.

I asked her what she was serving at the bbq to see if there would 1. be anything I could eat and 2. if I needed to be concerned about anything she was serving. Most of everything that she was planning to serve contained something that I could not eat. This is not the first time that she has served food that I was unable to eat. At Thanksgiving two years ago, the only thing I could eat were the dinner rolls and the salad. She got super offended that I did not eat and called me over dramatic. If I eat before I go, and do not eat anything, she guilt trips me and tries to get me to eat.

So this time, I discussed with my spouse the possibility of me bringing my own food to MIL’s house. They agreed with me that it was a good idea, but warned me not to let MIL see it. I brought two small containers to the bbq in a cooler bag and put it under my chair. When it was time to eat, I quietly served myself from the containers and put my plate on the table. When my MIL saw that I was eating food that was different than everyone else, she immediately got upset and told me how rude I was to bring food. I explained to her that nothing she was serving was food I could safely eat, and she went on about how I always have to make myself the center of attention. My spouse told MIL that she has known for almost two decades that I had food allergies, so it should not shock her that after years of being unable to eat at family gatherings, I would bring my own food.

FIL then got up and told us both we were being rude and disrespectful to MIL as she has spent tons of money and time preparing for this bbq. Spouse grabbed our things and we left after a few more choice words with their parents. Our phones have been blowing up non-stop, some people agreeing that MIL was overreacting. Others think I should have eaten what I could out of politeness or eaten before I came.

I’m really torn and upset. I did not mean to cause drama, and I am hurt that spouse is arguing with their parents. I did not mean to offend MIL, and certainly not ruin a bbq.

AITA for bringing my own food to MIL’s bbq?