Relationships are all about compromise and give and take, and being able to care about another person and their needs – emotional, physical, you name it – at least as much as you care about your own.
When are agreements too old to be honored, though, and what should you expect in return for what was a pretty significant sacrifice on your part?
This woman and her fiance used to live in a 2-bedroom apartment, and even though one of the bedrooms was her dedicated office because she worked from home, he convinced her to let his mother move in when she was down on her luck.
Long story short, 3 years ago my fiance’s mom was trying to leave a relationship and needed a place to stay.
At that time we lived in a very small, cramped 2 bedroom apartment- with the 2nd bedroom converted in to my office because I work from home and need the space for my employment equipment (two monitors, printer, fax, filing cabinets, etc).
Despite me saying that I truly didn’t want to give up my space, he begged and pleaded until finally I gave in.
When she gave in, he promised that if her family ever needed help, he would be happy to return the favor.
She wasn’t happy without the arrangement, but she made it work for the few months that it lasted.
He said, and I quote, “When the day comes you know I would do the same for you if your family ever needed it.” I was honestly still far, far from happy because realistically speaking his mom didn’t need a place to go at all.
The house her and her BF had was in fact hers and she had owned it for years so why she was the one to move out is beyond me (it wasn’t a toxic relationship- she just wasn’t “feeling it” anymore).
The mother-in-law proved herself unworthy of the favor, but that’s neither here nor there, to be honest.
Fast forward two months of her staying: she has completely taken over my office space and I have my equipment set up in the only other spot available; directly in front of my tv.
She moves out and back in with her BF. Never paid a dime and didn’t even bother taking most of her shit with her- which took me more than 3 days to clear out with my fiance.
The two of them recently upgraded to a four-bedroom house with the intention of expanding their family. They learned that her fiance’s health won’t make that possible, so they’ve got extra space.
Now, her mother needs a place to stay with OP’s 14-year-old twin siblings, who she says are good kids (apparently despite being teenagers).
Anywho- we upgrade. We bought a 4 bedroom home last year with the plan of expanding our family. This was prior to finding out he is fertile. It sucks but honestly, it is what it is. I’m not wildly upset about it.
However, my mom just lost her home due to foreclosure (she was renting and her landlord didn’t pay his rent so the house was foreclosed and she was given a 3 day notice to quit). My mom has my siblings with her (14yo twins). Very well behaved and clean kids.
She needs a place to go. We have two rooms available.
When she spoke with her fiance about it, he claims to be totally against the idea. He doesn’t want to feel like a stranger in his own home, teenagers will take over the place, etc.
I bring it up with my fiance and he immediately says he isn’t comfortable with it and that he doesn’t want his home to feel like it isn’t his by allowing other people to move in and “take over”.
So I brought up his agreement years back and stated that I allowed his mother to move in for literally no reason; whereas my mother legit needs a place.
OP reminded him of the promise he made but he says this is a “totally different” situation and she’s in the wrong for trying to “force it on him.”
He is now saying that that was years ago and the situation is 100% different because “there wasn’t two teenagers running the house” when his mom moved in.
He says I’m an AH for trying to force this on him and make him do something he isnt comfortable with. AITA?
Is she wrong for bringing up an agreement from so long ago? Is he being an unreasonable jerk? Reddit is weighing in below!
The top comment suggests this is a huge red flag and that OP deserves better.
Sometimes we all have to step outside or comfort zones, and he should be willing to do that for her.
Maybe OP needs to rethink this entire commitment.
Like her, he doesn’t have to be thrilled with the situation, but he does have to suck it up.
Not many people disagree that the fiance is just totally out of line, here.
I hope she shows this post and the comments to him asap!
How would you respond if you were OP in this situation? Let us hear it in the comments!