If you’re a regular reader of the subreddit Am I the A$$hole then you’re probably hard to shock when it comes to the messed up situations people call “healthy” relationships.
Even so, the absolute gall of this man might just surprise you.
He begins by saying that he and his wife have always both had to work to make ends meet, and that she’s always made a bit more than him.
She had to go back to work before she was ready after having a child and admits that both her physical and mental health suffered because of it.
Before the birth of our daughter, my wife and I both worked full time in low-middle earning jobs with my wife earning a bit more than I but not by much.
My wife returned to work out of necessity when our daughter was 3 months old. Her mental health became pretty bad and she has a minor disability that makes work life a little hard and she found it a bit worse after having our daughter but we had to do what we had to do.
Then, her nan, who “sort of”raised his wife, passed and left her a significant sum of money.
Not enough for them both to quit working, but enough to pay for a house, cars, fund a retirement account, and allow his wife to stay home with their daughter for the time being.
My wife’s nan who sort of raised her and was her only family passed away sadly when our daughter was 6 months old. My wife inherited everything she owned. It was a big inheritance. Not enough for us both to immediately retire but a lot. Enough for us to buy a decent house outright, a new car each and to put some away for a comfortable retirement.
Shortly after her nan died, my wife stopped working and became a stay at home mom. Partially due to grief and struggles at her job, and a bit because she always would have preferred to stay home with our daughter. Thing is though, I’d rather not work and be a stay at home dad too but I’ve been sucking it up because we still need an income to get by.
OP, though, is resentful about being the one who still has to work and doesn’t think he should pay for his wife’s “spending money” – like haircuts and a gym membership, maybe a hobby.
Because they “don’t benefit him.”
My wife spoke with me recently about how to budget so we can live off just my income (she’d been dipping into savings to pull her weight but that’s all tied up in investments now). I said if I’m the one who has to work (and I’d rather not) I don’t think I should have to spend my money funding her hobbies and spending money.
If she chooses not to work then she can buy clothes at the charity shop instead of new and get a friend to cut her hair for free etc. Or she can get a job working a night shift or start an online business or something to fund her spending money.
I don’t see why I should have to pay for stuff like her sewing materials and gym membership since I don’t benefit from them and they’re not my responsibility.
He’s generously “happy” to pay for things for their daughter, though.
I’m happy to pay for stuff for our daughter seeing as she’s my responsibility so I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here. I work 36 hours a week and I already pay for the bills and food.
She said that’s not fair if I get to enjoy my gym membership and hobbies like video games but the difference is I’m paying for them with my money.
My wife said her inheritance was worth more than if she spent her whole life working and without that, both of us would be working anyway and having higher expenses from paying a mortgage and car loans so I should count that as her contribution and share my money with her.
Y’all, I can’t wait to hear what Reddit has to tell this guy.
The top comment points out that she did not legally have to share a dime of her inheritance with him in the first place.
This person thinks he’d better think about whether or not turnabout is really what he wants.
Everyone is wondering how good of a husband this bloke could possibly be on other fronts, as well.
Is there any way he actually cares about her at all?
This person can’t stop cringing at the wording.
Y’all, I don’t even know what to say about this one. Just yikes.
What advice would you give the wife if she was your friend? What about if OP was your mate? Drop it on us in the comments!