Blogger and mother of four Constance Hall struck a chord with thousands Tuesday after writing up a quick anecdote recognizing the awful truth about how strangers view parents: a mom could always be doing better, while a dad is a hero just for showing up.
Constance writes that she tried to change her daughter’s diaper discreetly in the park when a random woman came over and gave her the judgies.
“I saw you changing your daughters nappy, could you please use the change table next time”
I said “there wasn’t one”
She said “there is, it’s in the disabled toilet and that’s around the other corner”
I said “cool, she’s probably not due for another shit for about 6 hours but I will act accordingly.”
I felt like a loser. The world went on.
What’s that lady’s problem? Surely if the dogs and birds can poop on the grass, a mom can change a diaper.
Then, only a week later, her husband pulled the same stunt in the same park, and lo and behold, he became a national hero and the poster boy for good parenting.
A group of women walked passed, one said.. “Aww good dad!!! That’s what we like to see, get in there”
Bill felt like a legend. The world went on.
Why was Hall made to feel like a loser and her husband a legend? Hall writes,
I am used to being scrutinised for jobs that my husband is praised for.
I am used to picking the kids up from school to judgmental looks about being late, while Bill is used to a red fucking carpet and a 12 piece band praising him for his heroic appearance at school pick up.
That’s the way we as a society are, we place so much pressure on women to be perfect and selfless while putting low parenting expectations on men.
I am not saying quit the praise. I love seeing Bill get praised for the things he does for our kids.
He is a good dad, why not celebrate him.
But let’s praise each other too, let’s see a women talking on the phone while pushing her pram and think ‘wow, she chose not to stay at home bidding on eBay smashing straight vodka. She chose to come to the park and be a magnificent mum’
And Hall isn’t the only one who is “used to it.” Her post has received over 73k likes and been shared over 5k times since posting it Tuesday, along with receiving thousands of comments of support.
It’s a great reminder. Next time we see a mom struggling with her kids, try not to judge, and instead look at her with the awe and admiration you’d give a dad.
And if you can’t do that, how about just stay at home and chug some vodka?