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I’m not sure that any two people have a child together thinking that one day, they might have to figure out how to parent that child once they’ve gone their separate ways.
It should be simple enough to put the needs of a child before the feelings of an adult, but the sad fact is that far too many people struggle to do just that.
OP split from her daughter’s father nearly five years ago, when the little girl was still a toddler. Since then her ex has missed birthdays, disappointed the little girl on more than one occasion, refused to pay child support, and has generally just not been a presence in her life.
I (31F) have a wonderful 7 year old daughter I would go to the moon and back for and have been supporting her as a single parent. My ex (31M) hasn’t really been in her life since we split when she was 2½. He hasn’t paid child support for the last 4 years and has sporadically visited her at his parents home when she visits.
He says he will visit her while hyping her up and then… not show up only to give bs excuses on why he never showed up, leaving her devastated and upset that he didn’t spend time with her.
He has blamed me for everything under the sun which I can prove to not be true. For example he blames me for not calling him so he can video chat with her on my days off when he doesn’t even attempt to try in the first place on his days off. He even stated he couldn’t pay child support because he was rebuilding his car.
Now he’s taken up parenting his girlfriend’s young child, and has had a baby with the girlfriend as well.
My ex had seen multiple girls in the past 4 years but has been seeing his current gf for about a year at this point and she has a 3 year old daughter. He shunted our daughter to be his gf’s daughters father doing father/daughter activities, like going to the pumkin patch, holidays and spending time with the 3 year old.
He forgot his own daughters BIRTHDAY for 2 years in a row and possibly for a 3rd time this year.
His family and I heard a rumor that the gf was pregnant 3-4 months ago. His parents wanted to be in the baby’s life and I was estatic that my daughter would have a half-sibling since I dont want more kids. He vehemently denied she was pregnant and we left the subject alone. Well about 10 minutes before I started my shift I was told and shown that my ex’s gf had their baby girl that morning.
I WAS LIVID. He had lied to all of us that the baby was coming and severed whatever trust with him we had left.
OP wants to serve him with papers requesting full custody and asking for court-ordered child support, but she’s worried it’s bad timing since they’ve just had a baby that also requires attention and financial support.
I started looking at family attorneys in my city because I know this will get messy. He wants parental rights without having to lift a finger or pay child support. I want full custody since our daughter lives with me full time.
Before people ask: No, he’s not in our daughters life unless he wants others to see he’s being a good dad. The last time he visited her, she didn’t recognize him at all. Yes, I have filed for child support several times in the past only for them to die in court because he didn’t want to sign the paperwork.
I’m at my wits end with him. I vented to a couple of close friends and close coworkers about this and the majority are saying ITA because I should be excited for the new baby and that with the new baby he won’t have the funds for child support.
AITA if I go through with getting a family attorney and serving him papers while hes caring for a newborn?
I have a feeling Reddit is going to have some stern words for them both; let’s find out!
This comment points out that a new baby doesn’t need to eat more than his first child.
Image Credit: Reddit
Plenty of people had stern words for OP as far as being a better protector for her daughter.
Image Credit: Reddit
He has proven that he doesn’t deserve to be in her life.
Image Credit: Reddit
They’re all surprised someone so selfish decided to have another child.
Image Credit: Reddit
Let’s all hope mom is ready to do what it takes to ensure her daughter doesn’t internalize the rejection from her father.
Image Credit: Reddit
This one is just so yikes. It hurts that men like this are allowed to be fathers at all.
Would you have waited this long in the hopes he would come around? Let’s chat about it in the comments!
