People Dish On Their Closely Kept Secrets

Everyone in the world has a secret. Some of us have been keeping them since childhood while others have acquired theirs more recently, but if there’s one thing we have in common it’s that we’d rather not have to let them out of the bag, you know. Ever.

These 17 people needed to get something off their chest, though, and where better to do that than with a bunch of strangers on the internet?

17. They were the glitch in the Matrix.

When I was a kid (17) I worked at a Greyhound station. I accidently sent a woman to Salmo instead of Salmon Arm because I thought it just ran out of print space on the ticket / screen.

I had never heard of Salmo back then. That woman had to spend an entire night in hells half acres, and lost an entire day of travel.

My boss chalked it up to a “glitch” in their antiquated machine.

Really it was me.

I also would occasionally steal a bag of chips from that store when I got bored/hungry.

God I was such an a$$hole.

16. Some people make quite a career this way.

I’m not that good at IT, I can google like no other.

Knowing how to Google is actually a skill. I’ve seen firsthand many people are incapable of coming up with search engine friendly questions.

It goes a step beyond. Knowing how to quickly parse search results, throwing out junk and finding real answers is absolutely a skill most people lack.

15. Mums the word.

I failed my electrical design class in college but work at an electrical utility company as a designer.

14. Parenting pro-tip.

When our phone was disconnected (1990’s) for non-payment, I dialed 911 to see if they would still pickup (they did) but I hung up right away.

Ten minutes later the cops showed up at my door, and I blamed it on the kids.

13. A lifetime of punishment.

One time when I was 10-12 ish, I told a group of friends that I brushed my teeth with hot water instead of cold water (our cultural norm) just to seem quirky or cool, and man did it get the reaction I was hoping for. However, it was all a lie. I did brush with cold water.

And this lie was too heavy for my pre-teen soul, so every day since then I have brushed my teeth with hot water, despite being 15 years older.

I feel trapped in my hot teeth scrubbing sentence yet it feels right as a punishment for lying.

12. Bottom’s up!

Back in the day, my drunk friend wanted to do more shots of vodka, but put water in the shot glasses for her. She said that she couldn’t taste anything.

I told her that after a while, her taste buds are messed up because she had too much to drink, but here ya go! Bottoms up!

11. The last laugh.

The CEO of the company is a micromanager who wants to make even the tiniest decisions.

He has a coffee mug with the text: Rule 1: I am always right Rule 2: When not, see rule 1.

It might be a joke, but I feel it’s a constant subliminal message he sends himself. So, I hid the mug a couple of months ago.

I just left the company last week, and did not return the mug.

ETA: Thanks for the awards, this is now my top comment.

At the time he looked for it frantically searching all offices and enquiring us if we are using ‘his’ mug.

I played dumb obviously and laughed my ass off.

I did not steal it, I am 6’6 no one else in the company is, and it sits on top of the kitchen cabinets, just out of sight and reach.

10. Whatever works for you.

I am a horrible reader, yet I’m a writer.

9. We all have the same secret!

I’m ordinary as f**k and have no idea what I’m doing.

8. A shared secret.

When i was in high school, i failed second semester of biology. So here comes the next year and i have to retake it.

Again, i pass first semester but fail second semester which means retaking the entire class.

Well, i transferred schools after that. When i was getting all my transfer information looked over in the office at the new school, the woman noticed i had two passed first semesters but never passed a full class.

I said “passing two semesters is KINDA like the full class”, she winked, and that was that. no more bio.

so i guess it’s OUR dirty little secret.

7. Ah, the 90s.

When I was about 8-9 I was sent to a summer camp for 1 month. My sister, who was 14, also was there. Never been away from my parents before. This camp was located around Lake Delton wisconsin. I remember the cabins in the woods.

Now I don’t know if I had arachnophobia before this experience, but I recall that the toilet stalls had dozens of daddy long leg spiders all over, and I was so scared I just held It in for about 4-5 days.

Well.. One day I just couldn’t hold it anymore and had to make a run for the toilets. I semi ran/walked to The toilets, trying to hold it in, made it In to the main area where the sinks are and just couldn’t hold it anymore and just quickly, with one hand, pulled down my pants from behind and dropped the biggest dump on the tile floor, all while still in motion towards the toilet.

Thank God no one was in there to see this. When I stepped out, a large group had formed out side and inside one of the staff was covering his face with one hand and holding a hoes in the other.No one suspected me. .. I thanked God that no one found this out as if they had, the rest of my stay there would have been utter torment.

Fast forward about 30 years.. Im at my parents house with my wife.. My sister is there as well, brothers. Anyway.. We’re talking and camp comes up. Told her that it was Me who did that… She nearly laughed to death, Saying “the entire camp talked about this all summer”. Hate spiders up until this day.

Good times.

6. A life-saving bump.

I had a counselor who straight up turned some of my D’s to B’s when I changed schools before my senior year. I had a super rough home life and I told her about it when she asked why my test scores were very high and my grades were low.

Thanks to her bumping up my GPA, I was able to get into college. I know it’s probably not “right” and she risked her job, but that woman legit probably saved my life.

I saw her about a year ago out in public and gave her the biggest hug.

5. Let it go, friend.

Third grade, 1953. Somebody passed out a box of lollipops to the class. There was an extra. I took it.

I can no longer live with this shame.

4. This…this is a thing?

My freshman year of high school, I ditched class so much that I flunked the year. I moved to a different town over the summer and somehow they lost my “permanent record” in the mail. (Early 90s, so they had computers, but they weren’t integrated between school districts, so it was just a fat folder of paperwork.)

Anyway, when the new school realized this, they called me in and asked what classes and grades I had, so I straight up lied my way out of having to retake freshman year.

3. This is far too common.

I act a lot stupider at work so they don’t rely on me too much.

I used to be real go getter at work and now I’ve realized that the less I accomplish the less is expected of me. I’m not doing the work of 3 fucking people that are paid the exact same as me. I do just enough to fulfill the obligations of my job, no more.

It’s a fine balance and it takes practice but it works.

2. Tell me more.

I’m a college dropout who makes a fantastic living basically driving a go kart at an airport.

1. As it should be.

I caught a habitual sex offender at work, and he had no clue until I had to be part of a conference call with a judge presiding over the phone. Funnily enough, the call was actually about him seeking workmen’s compensation for being wrongfully terminated, unknowingly to him that I’d already talked with FBI agents minutes before the call.

Backstory, I found a company computer we both used with a browser open one morning, and his personal email was still logged in. I immediately saw his name and pictures that he should not have, and immediately contacted my supervisor.

I, for one, am glad they confessed because I love other people’s business.

What secret are you keeping? If you want drop it in the comments – we promise not to tell!