Most of us are glad when things are going our way.
Our jobs are good, personal lives are thriving, hobbies are fun, our kids are behaving, good friends abound…but what if everything is so great now because the pendulum is about to swing?
That’s what this person wants to know – or, actually, they want to know if it’s normal to never really let yourself be happy because of this fear.
Is anyone else afraid when they feel happy, feeling that something very bad is coming soon?
byu/RosbyMe inNoStupidQuestions
17 people are weighing in below! Check it out!
17. It happens in the reverse direction, too.
Try to remember that feeling when things happen that are bad, remember that something very good will happen very soon.
Perhaps the following is not the answer you are looking for, but I’m just sharing it for anyone reading this.
God mentions in the Qur’an:
Every soul will taste death. And We test you with evil and with good as trial; and to Us you will be returned.
It’s not about the good and the bad happening to you, it’s about how you act when the good and the bad happen to you that matters.No matter how good someones life is, it will end with death. No matter how bad someone life is, it will end with death. The only thing that matters is how you lived, this will benefit you after you die.
So when something bad happens to you, remember to act good, that way the bad isn’t really bad in the long run.
Hope that helps. Follow up questions are more than welcome.
16. Maybe that’s just life?
There was an episode of Malcom in the Middle where he wins something a scholarship I think and he’s so happy but then immediately starts saying that he feels he should do something good, something to protect this feeling.
His mom says, look at you, something good finally happens to you and all you can think about is how the world is gonna take it away. You’re growing up.
15. Man Eaters.
This could also be a trauma response – if you’ve ever had times in your life where you were blindsided by tragedy, your brain will start to look for it compulsively.
Basically, if things were going great and then suddenly something awful happened to you or you got some deeply painful news, your pattern-recognizing brain kicks in and any time things are going well it will start looking for the tiger lurking in the bushes.
14. That’s a fair assessment.
I think you’re describing anxiety.
Yep, just check. That’s anxiety.
13. There are no rules here.
Remember that life is not a movie following a script.
There is no rule saying that something bad will follow something good or vice versa.
Things can stay good but also they can stay s**t.
Although not 100%, it’s you who has the most effect on that.
12. If you want to get fancy about it.
“Joy is the most vulnerable emotion we experience. And if you cannot tolerate joy, what you do is you start dress rehearsing tragedy.” -Dr. Brené Brown
She refers to it in her work as “foreboding joy” and it’s essentially a common coping mechanism that actually works against us. She also discusses methods for dealing with it that are a bit more complex than I can comment here. Give her a google, she’s got a ton of resources
11. Yes, it’s normal.
“things are going great now, but don’t let your guard down, in fact increase it because now you have something precious to protect” a normal instinct I think. I think when you’re consistently happy you won’t get so paranoid.
10. It’s all one big crap shoot.
I used to feel like this but now I’ve become comfortable with the idea that everything external to us is out of our control.
If something bad does happen now I just have to say to myself ‘that’s unfortunate’ and not add to the problem by judging it too much. Good times and bad times roll by, see the good as a nice bonus 🙂
9. It’s all about perspective.
I don’t recommend this way, but my time in Army oversea in Iraq really changed my view. So many death and pain, i learn to not to worry about the far future only think about the now.
8. The other boot always drops.
A powerful lesson from a treasured professional friend, when I suggested that when I was really happy and things were going well I couldn’t enjoy myself because I was waiting for the other boot to drop.
She told me the other boot always drops.
There is always something around the corner. You can’t stay clenched your whole life waiting for it. Enjoy when things are good, and then just be an adult and deal with things when they don’t go right. but the boot always drops, so waiting for it as a waste of life.
7. Those Puritan roots.
Isn’t there a joke about this? 2 farmers looking out at the day and one says to the other isn’t it a beautiful day? and the other answers yup and we’ll pay for it later. It’s supposed to illustrate Puritan world view I think.
6. Always?
Yes, I feel it all the time when I experiment something happy, I know that something bad is already waiting for me and I’m always right about that.
5. Rewire your thinking.
I used to get that a lot, but I tried every time I felt anything like that, to stop those thoughts.
Replace them with positive ones. It wasn’t easy, but I’ve made progress. I’m proud of that.
I’ve started therapy as well, and she’s taught me to use mindfulness thinking. That’s been helping some too.
4. That worked out well.
I did, and after an amazing 2019 I woke up on Jan 1 with a feeling of dread that something bad would happen this year.
Flash forward to now…😬
3. It all goes back to our childhood.
Yes, and I think this is even more common in those of us with higher adverse childhood experiences.
What helped me slowly, somewhat to let go of that habit is to realize that unlike in childhood, in my life now I have lots of resources and support.
So when bad things happen, I cope. The only certainty is, things will change, but if you dont allow yourself to enjoy the good times then you only half live.
Live all of it fully; you can handle it.
2. Expecting it doesn’t necessarily make it easier.
I fully expect it to come, I noticed every time I get better the fall will be twice as hard and it will come.
Just me though I don’t know how it is for others.
1. It’s not a good feeling.
Yes. Yes I do. All. The. Time.
I have an amazing therapist, am on meds and I still get an awful feeling of foreboding when I am happy. Like,
“Hey! I’m having a good day! Wow! This is great! I haven’t felt- like this in a while… cue icy shivers down spine waaaaaait a second. Why am I happy all of a sudden?” 🤨
What’s worse, I’m usually right. However, I know that it’s a very good possibility that I am creating it by evoking it, but it doesn’t matter. I still think it’s a set-up.
I think it’s normal, but you should also just enjoy the good times while they’re rolling.
What’s your two cents? Share with us in the comments!
