I personally believe that it takes a lot more creativity to insult a person WITHOUT using all the classic curse words that we know and love.
Have you ever tried it? It’s pretty hard!
But we’re in luck today, because we’re about to get bombarded with a whole bunch of them that you can add to your arsenal.
Feel free to use some of the “clean” insults that folks offered up on AskReddit.
1. Nowhere to go but down.
“You’re not a disappointment to your parents, because they already lost all their expectations.”
2. That’s pretty good.
“I’ve always loved this Cher monologue from The Witches of Eastwick:
“I think-no, I am positive-that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we’ve been together you have demonstrated every loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones.
You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you’re morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You’re not even interesting enough to make me sick.”
3. Not too bright.
“You’re the kind of person who takes the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the beeping was giving you a headache.”
4. I’m gonna use this.
“You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you waste.”
5. He was a legend.
“I’m gonna go with one from Hank The Angry Drunken Dwarf…
“If they put your brain in a parrot, it would fly backwards.”
6. The master.
“Mark Twain had some bangers.
My personal favorite is:
“I didn’t attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.””
7. Brutal.
“Surely you realize by now that your friends don’t actually like you, they just feel sorry for you. So why do you keep wasting their time?”
8. I like it.
“Wouldn’t trust you to get water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”
9. Bottom of the barrel.
“You’re the kind of person who should only ever get burnt bacon.”
10. Not a good thing.
“In the South.
“I’ll pray for you” and “bless your/their heart.”
Both can mean pretty much you’re a dumb*ss or a nice way of calling you a sinner.”
11. A big letdown.
“I expected nothing from you, and you still let me down.”
12. Nonexistent.
“It’s not that I don’t think highly of you; I don’t think of you at all.”
13. Too late for that.
“If your ancestors had possessed the foresight to castrate the village idiot, you wouldn’t even exist.”
14. Epic.
“You talk so much, yet say so little.”
15. Boom!
“The day I want to be like you is the day I’ll take your advice.
So far, I’m not interested in going backwards.”
16. Dummy.
“If you had more than one brain cell, they’d collide and kill each other.”
Now we want to hear from you!
What is your favorite CLEAN insult?
Talk to us in the comments.
Thanks!
