Should A Stay-At-Home Spouse Be Expected To Account For All Expenses?

Stressed unhappy couple arguing about huge expenses with laptop and papers, angry husband blaming wife of overspending debt, family having conflict fight about wasting money financial problem at home

Dynamics can be tricky in any long-term relationship or marriage. When only one partner is working outside the home certain things can get even more dicey – namely money.

This man has turned over the bill-paying to his wife, but after several months of expenses being higher than he expected, he asked her to start keeping a record/budget of where the funds are going.

The issue is that there seems to be a not-small amount that’s not being spent on household expenses but is disappearing nonetheless.

My wife stays at home with our daughter and has taken over buying all the household items from me because she says I spend too much money on them. For about a year she has been buying the goods for the house, and would spend a mysterious amount of money and then complain that she had no money left over in the next month.

It’s not a small amount that she gets each month to pay for the expenses, and even with costs rising I can’t imagine that she is spending all of it to where there is nothing left over.

When he asked her to keep track of where the money is going for a month or two she got “indignant” and basically refused.

A couple months we ago we had an argument over why she has no money left over at the end of a month and how can things be so expensive. The end of it was that she needs to start making a proper itemized budget for a couple months so we can see where all the money is going.

I didn’t ask for anything crazy, just go to excel pick one of the family budget templates and fill it in properly, and keep track of expenses.

She got indigent about the idea that she would have to make a budget, then send me a picture from her notepad on the phone with random spans of numbers put in for things like food, utilities, etc. and since then she has refused to even entertain the idea of making a budget.

He doesn’t think it’s unfair to ask her to account for where the majority of the money is going every month.

She feels like he’s being controlling but he feels like family budgeting is a normal request.

While I don’t have an issue with buying all of the daily necessities, nor do I have an issue with her buying them. My issue is with the missing money, she gets the equivalent of almost $2000 a month for expenses, but can only account for about $800-1000. The above argument came from her saying I spend too much on my lunch and snacks, but she can’t account for so much money.

TL:DR AITA for wanting my wife to make a budget because I don’t know where nearly $1000 a month is being spent or what she is doing with it?
I feel I am NTA here because the amount of missing money each month is just too much and keeping a simple spreadsheet for someone who used to work in a trading company should be easy.

So who is wrong? You know Reddit has some thoughts!

The top comment is simple – it’s not her money, it’s theirs, and he has every right to know where it’s going.

Image Credit: Reddit

Lots of people figured she was stashing it as part of a “getaway” plan.

Image Credit: Reddit

Folks did also point out that the prices for most goods and services have increased significantly, but if she had nothing to hide she could just show him receipts.

Image Credit: Reddit

He’s giving her more than enough, regardless.

Image Credit: Reddit

It’s not an “allowance,” it’s just for household expenses.

Image Credit: Reddit

I think he’s well within his rights here. It doesn’t really matter how much money he has in the bank or whether he’s acted “controlling” in other areas.

Money is always a sensitive issue in relationships, but couples have to be able to talk about it openly.