No one wants to think about losing a child. It’s not the natural order of the world, and it can be hard in the best of times – not only that, there really are no rules for dealing with all of the fallout.
In this case, the fallout was OP’s deceased son’s girlfriend showing up pregnant at the funeral.
The baby was proven to be their sons and since then, they’ve not only treated him like all of their other grandchildren, but have contributed monthly to his care as well, like their son would have done had he been alive.
My late son died in a car accident a few years ago. He had been dating a girl for a few months and I found out at the funeral she was about 13 weeks pregnant. They were both 22 . Well, I politely asked for a DNA test, and by using my family’s DNA, I foud out I did indeed have a Grandson , ” Dave Jr” lets call him.
So anyway, I decided along with my husband to help the girl, ” Lissa” , out. We are comfortable financially, and decided to pay her monthly ” child support” equal to what my son eould have paid, according to our state formula, if he made $30k a year. We are using our own money, some of which was indeed set aside for Dave Sr’s graduate schooling, but still, our money. My son had very few of his own assets, so no estate. We of course buy gifts, outings, etc, like all of our other grandkids.
Recently, his mother got remarried to a man who seems nice enough and is planning to adopt their grandson.
This was all great until she made it clear that OP was still to send the money, and also that OP wasn’t to talk about her son until they were “ready” to tell the child that his adoptive father wasn’t his actual dad.
Well ” Lissa” married a guy this summer. Call him Allen, seems nice, Im happy for her. So anyway Allen and Lissa come over this weekend, and want to ” Talk”. Apparently, the plan is for Allen to adopt Dave Jr , and they are moving out of state.
Oh, and can we change his name on the accounts we have once this is legal? And they will send us pictures, and we can see little Dave sometimes but are not to mention our son until he is ” old enough”.
OP got angry and said no more money, and also she had no intention of “erasing her son” purposefully. If they were going to do that, they could do it without her help.
I told them that I’m not paying them the child support, since Allen wants to be his dad so bad that he wants to erase my son, he can pay. And there are no accounts, and Im not playing games and pretending to be a family friend or whatever this plan is. I also told them to F**k Off and get the hell out.
Some people agree with her, others think she’s being too harsh, and she’s wondering what the best path is foward.
Well Liss and Allen sure think Im TA, my husband’s on my side, my daughter is torn, and my youngest son hasn’t said anything except ” I can’t believe you said F**k ” ( I don’t swear much unless Im mad).
Now her family is calling me, and Allen’s mother is trying to get me to ” have a sit down”. So reddit, AITA? ETA: to answer what seems to be a common question, yes my state has grandparents rights that apply.
What does Reddit think? Read on to find out!
It’s honestly kind of a sad state of affairs.
Pretty much everyone thinks they’re taking advantage of the grandparents.
Everyone is really hoping they can work this out, though, for the good of the kiddo.
The right thing may not be the easy thing.
It’s a classic “have your cake and eat it, too.”
Y’all, I just feel so badly for this woman. To lose a child, then to have to potentially have that child “erased” again and lose your grandson…what a heartbreaker.
What’s your take? What would you tell OP if you could? Drop it in the comments!