Should This Man Have Moved Out Of His Mother's House Without Warning?

In an ideal world, everyone would have parents who loved and cared for them, and who helped them grow into happy, healthy, functional adults.

In the real world, far too many kids-turned-adults are still dealing with the fallout after growing up with less-than-great parents.

This guy is one of the unfortunate ones, even if he is just beginning to figure it out at age 20.

He’s been living with his mother and younger siblings – and basically supporting them – and his mother requires that he deposit his entire paycheck in her account.

When he asks to save some for himself, she screams at him.

I (20M) have been living with my mother (50 F) and three siblings (M13, F9 and F15) for the last two years and working full time. My mother demanded that I deposit all the money into her account on the day I receive my pay.

While I realize this seems extreme, my mother would often tell me that I am the man of the household and am responsible for supporting her and my siblings.

When I asked to keep some of the money for myself as savings she would start screaming and/or cry and shaming me.

He broached the subject once about moving out and she went ballistic, insisting if he was going he needed to go right then – which of course he couldn’t do without any money.

One time when I suggested I wanted to move out she flipped and started packing all my stuff and told me to leave right then and there.

When I explained that I couldn’t because I have no money to my name because I paid it all to her she continued to tell me to ‘go now’ if I wanted to leave. Obviously I relented.

After speaking with a co-worker about the situation, OP went about securing his own place, then on payday, taking his paycheck and moving out without warning.

I discussed my issue with a coworker, and he suggested I move out the day I got paid. So I kept the peace at home while looking for a place I could rent with room-mates, and on my pay day went to work with my clothes and essentials and then went to my new place.

I then sent a message to my mother telling her I wouldn’t be coming home.

When his mother found out she told him he was hanging her and his siblings out to dry, and at the very least he should give her money from his last check since she had been expecting it.

Now she has blown up my phone with a bunch of texts, stating that I am abandoning her and my siblings and that I won’t lived up to my responsibilities. I think this is absurd.

But then she says I could have at least given her a heads up that I was leaving a few weeks in advance, as she relied on my money to pay for the rent, bills and food. She is now asking for my part of the rent from my pay for the past two weeks, saying it is only fair because I didn’t give her any advance notice.

But I didn’t give her any advance notice because I feared a big blow up.

He’s feeling guilty but not entirely sure he did the wrong thing.