I think we should acknowledge up front that really, there’s no way for women to win in these kinds of situations. If we make more than a man we just met, he might not like to hear it. If we stay silent, he might think we were trying to stick it to him another way.
OP is a software engineer who found herself on a kind-of setup on a night out with a couple and one of their single friends. The other single person spent a lot of the night bragging about his new job as a web developer and paying for drinks (he could afford it because of his big new salary).
My friend “Grace” invited me to a board game bar to play and have drinks with her, her boyfriend and one of their friend’s “Nick”.
We went to get drinks in pairs, Grace going with her boyfriend, meanwhile Nick and I stayed at the table and vice versa. So Nick and I had plenty of time to talk just the two of us.
Nick started the night by telling about his recent career change, he decided to quit his previous job, go to a coding bootcamp and he got a job as a developer one or two months ago. He was very proud of himself and his new salary and told me this multiple times.
OP offered to pay for drinks but he wasn’t having any of it, and she never told him that she did, in fact, understand his jargon because she was in the business, too.
For one, he never asked. For another, she was amused.
He never asked me what I do for work, but talked about his new job quite a lot, occasionally saying “sorry, you don’t understand that, haha”. During the entire evening, I never told him I has been working as a software engineer for the past 4 years, because he never asked and honestly, I found it a bit entertaining.
When it came to the drinks, he invited me to every single one.
“Don’t worry about it, it’s not a problem with my developer salary.”
I told him multiple times he doesn’t have to pay for me, but he insisted.
At the end of the night he learned she was a software engineer and accused her of lying, or trying to make him look bad, or at the very least, swindling him for drinks.
She offered to pay him back but he refused, but they clearly parted badly.
At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, he took out his phone to send me a friend request on Facebook. My job is listed in my profile, so that was when he realized that I’m software engineer.
He asked me if it’s true that I’m a software engineer and I answered yes. He asked me why I haven’t told him, why did I let him believe I was a cashier like Grace used to be (?? I never implied that), and why did I let him pay for everything when I probably earn more than him.
I told him that he never once asked and it was his fault he assumed. He could have simply asked me about my job, but he only wanted to brag about his. But if he wants me to, I can pay him back for the drinks.
Their friends are on his side…
He was a angry and said I made a fool out of him. I think he did that, not me.
But now Grace and her boyfriend are on his side too, saying that it would’ve cost me nothing to tell him early in the evening and I only kept it for myself for my own entertainment.
Well, I did find it entertaining, but I don’t really feel like I did anything wrong.
…but what does Reddit say? Let’s find out!
The top comment says this is all we needed to hear.
And this one reiterates my point, which is that she was in a no-win situation.
Basically, she knew she wasn’t interested, so who cares?
Yes, please don’t hitch up the horses.
This guy really does sound like a piece of work.
He’s done all of this to himself, if you ask me, and she shouldn’t feel badly at all.
Do you have a different take? If so, drop it on us in the comments!