In my experience, human nature goes one of two ways, when it comes to people who are fairly accomplished at one thing or another. People either want to show off those accomplishments whenever possible, or they shy away from doing that in order to not sound braggy or embarrass others.
But is it ever required to act as if you’re not skilled at something just to stop someone else from sounding a bit stupid?
This woman is wondering just that after a spat with her twin sister, who is supposedly the “smart twin.” Even though that may be true, OP is a gifted musician and has made a living playing the piano.
AITA for not downplaying my musical skills in front of my sister’s inlaws?
So I realize this is a rather petty family feud, but i wanna see if i’m in the wrong. I (25f) have a twin sister, Emma. She is getting married, an her inlaws are musicians. Emma is very academically gifted, I am very much not. The only thing she isn’t better at than me is music, i built a career on playing the piano, while she has always been struggling with it.
My parents invited Emma’s inlaws over for a family dinner, and we knew they would expect me to play the piano, since my parents told them i’m a musician and they said they would love to hear me when they come over. they already heard Emma play before.
Emma asked me to downplay my abilities and play worse than her, so she would leave a better impression. I refused, for two reasons: one, i believe someone’s talent is not another person’s shortcoming so me doing something well will not reflect badly on her, and two, i wasn’t going to make myself look intentionally bad in front of people of my own profession.
Emma was furious and said I was just getting back at her because she keeps referring to me as the dumb twin in front of people, I said she is just throwing a tantrum because for once she couldnt keep up her “better twin” image. Our mom says i should have downplayed my skills because they are my sister’s inlaws not mine, but since Emma openly calls me dumb in front of my boyfriend i dont feel like i was in the wrong for refusing, especially since i didn’t badmouth her, i just refused to lie about myself.
Are my mom and Emma right and AITA here?
I have a feeling I know what Reddit is going to say here, but I do hope its with strong enough words.
This is a good start, anyway.
Families don’t have to be this way – and they shouldn’t be, either!
The OG blame definitely falls on their parents for allowing this kind of separation/competition all of their lives.
Is it really ever ok to call someone dumb? I don’t really think so.
There needs to be a reckoning in this family, mostly about how no one is better than anyone else because of their IQ.
I have to agree with the first commenter, the mother and sister are a piece of work. I can’t imagine ever calling a beloved sibling dumb, can you?
I want to hear your thoughts in the comments!