Hint: No, it’s not all about the money.
When two people have a child while they’re in a relationship, it seems natural to share the expenses related to that child. Both parties are responsible for their care and upkeep, after all, and most couples find ways that work for them.
Once a couple splits, though, we know that some non-custodial parents have a real problem sending child support payments to the other spouse – and this education professional has a bit of a different take on why that might be the case.
What if it’s not about the money, but about the loss of control?
They go onto say that this theory also makes sense as to why a person might not want to support one child, but is happy to go on to have a family that they support with someone else.
This is also why so many men abandon their families after a breakup but become providers to new partners and new kids. Because in those new situations they still have the control they feel that providing material support should guarantee
— Nsafoa’s Lost Key 🏳️🌈 (@YaaAsantewaaBa) October 29, 2021
She thinks she’s got a really good case, here.
This is why asking them why they don’t file for custody (which would end them having to make payments) always stumps them. Because being the primary custodian will not fix their problem. Because their problem is a loss of control, not a loss of money
— Nsafoa’s Lost Key 🏳️🌈 (@YaaAsantewaaBa) October 29, 2021
What do other people think? Let’s find out!
This person seems to agree, based on her own experience with her ex.
Every time my son’s dad would get caught by child support again for working and not reporting his new job, he would suddenly demand access to my son he was never normally interested in seeing, bc “I’m paying for him now so he’s mine too.” A child is not a fucking car lease. 🙄
— Anti-Capitalist Killjoy (@AntiKilljoy) October 30, 2021
And this person seems determined to prove the point himself.
skskksks like I said: control https://t.co/IWcTj4zYqA
— Nsafoa’s Lost Key 🏳️🌈 (@YaaAsantewaaBa) October 31, 2021
This person isn’t sure he’s buying it, because one parent has to be the “absent” one by necessity.
Control comes both ways.. You can’t charge anyone for being an absent parent. Be it physically, emotionally or psychologically (money will not cover those gaps) .. Children are not bargaining chips.
— Patrick (Ras P) (@mugo_pm) October 29, 2021
Basically, some people have trouble disconnecting the child from the relationship.
skskksks like I said: control https://t.co/IWcTj4zYqA
— Nsafoa’s Lost Key 🏳️🌈 (@YaaAsantewaaBa) October 31, 2021
And finally… a lawyer weighs in…
What do you think? Is this a good take? A bad one? Does the whole system just need an overhaul?
We’re here for all of your thoughts in the comments!
