Family dynamics can be tough to navigate, especially when you’re talking marriage and relatives who aren’t technically yours, you know?
This guy’s brother-in-law and teenaged nieces moved in after he got divorced and lost their house. OP and his wife have one teenaged daughter, a few years younger than her cousins, and the three of them get along fine.
My brother in-law (Sammy) lost his home shortly after his divorce 10 months ago. He moved in with us and brought his twin daughters (Olivia & Sloane18) with him a couple of months ago. His sister (my wife) and I have one daughter (Zoey 16) and she and her cousins aren’t close but get along fine.
Or at least they did before the older girls started barging in their younger cousins room and taking things without her permission.
Her mother and the brother-in-law have shrugged off the behavior as “normal” for teenaged girls.
Olivia & Sloane have no respect for Zoey’s privacy, none. they used to walk into her room and take everything they get their hands on. Makeup, phone accessories, clothes, school laptop etc.
Zoey complained a lot and I’ve already asked the girls to respect Zoey’s privacy and stop taking things.
My wife and Sammy saw no issue with this. After all, they’re girls and this’s typical teenage girls behavior.
I completely disagreed.
OP was willing to go along with that way of thinking (even though he disagreed) until the older girls took an expensive makeup palate that OP’s daughter bought herself, ruining some of the makeup in the process.
OP bought his daughter a lock for the door and told his wife he thought the cousins should apologize.
Last straw was when Zoey bought a 60$ m.a.c makeup-kit that looks like a paint set that she saved up for over a month and one of the girls, Sloane took it without permission and ruined it by mixing shades together while using it.
Don’t know much about makeup but that’s what Zoey said when she found the kit on her bed, and was crying.
I told my wife and she said she’d ask Sloane to apologize but I got Zoey a lock after I found she was moving valuable belongings out the house because of this incidence!!!
Once everyone saw the lock they got upset, accusing OP of making a mountain out of a molehill.
The brother-in-law also began to criticize OP’s parenting.
Sammy and his daughters saw the lock and weren’t happy, the girls were extremely upset. Sammy asked about it and I straight up told him.
He said “my daughters aren’t thieves!!! it’s normal that girls of the same age borrow each others stuff” he said Zoey could easily get another makeup kit for 15 bucks from walmart and shouldn’t even be buying expensive – adult makeup in the first place and suggested my wife take care of this “defect” in Zoey’s personality trying to appear older than she is.
He accused me of being overprotective and babying Zoey with this level of enablement.
Surprisingly, the wife is on her brother’s side and thinks the lock needs to go, but OP says not until their family is back to living alone in their home.
I told him this is between me and my wife but she shamed me for putting a lock on Zoey’s door for her cousins to see and preventing them from “spending time” with her saying I was supposed to treat them like daughters, then demanded I remove it but I said this lock does not get removed til her brother and his daughters are out of our house.
Their argument devolved into one about family and what they owe each other and whether or not they’ve actually already gone above and beyond, etc, which is to say, nothing has been resolved.
She got mad I was implying we kick them out and said her family will hate me for this. so I reminded her that I let Sammy and his family move in which is something her OWN family refused to do so she should start with shaming/blaming them for not taking their own son and nieces/granddaughters in.
If it wasn’t for her family’s unwillingness to help we wouldn’t be dealing with this much disturbance at home.
Everyone’s been giving me and Zoey silent treatment and my wife is very much upset over this.
Can Reddit help? Let’s find out!
The top comment says that perhaps the brother-in-law should be the one re-examining his parenting, as his daughters are not behaving like gracious houseguests.
And sure, maybe we could teach mom a lesson in the process, too.
This person thinks there are too many adults acting childish in one house.
It might be normal behavior, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay.
The wife could definitely use this experience to do a little self-reflection, and maybe even realize she could stand to put herself – and her daughter – first.
This could be a great opportunity for the whole family to take stock of what – and who – is super important and who is proving that they shouldn’t be a priority.
Are you on mom or dad’s side, here? How far would you go to protect your child’s privacy at home? Our comments are open for discussion!