I think it’s a good rule of thumb to always beware when someone tells you they’re planning the “perfect” event of any kind. It’s a red flag to truly believe that anything a human being is putting together is going to come off “perfectly,” and I would say that goes at least double for an event like a birth.
There are too many moving parts and another whole person who is going to have a say, so….yeah.
This woman’s older sister is planning a home birth (the “perfect” one, apparently) and part of her vision includes being surrounded by female family members for support, love, and encouragement.
OP is squeamish and, having witnessed her mother give birth and being traumatized by it, doesn’t think it’s the best idea that she be there.
I (21F) have a sister (27F, Liv) who will be giving birth in a couple weeks I guess and she’s doing a home birth. She has made elaborate plans for her labour and is excited for the process, I’m also excited for her too but honestly it seems a little scary to me. I’ve unfortunately seen my mom’s labour footage, it was not a good experience (😭) I was legit traumatised.
Now the thing is that Liv wants to be surrounded by family while labouring. By family I mean; her husband and a few female family members from both sides. Her SIL is coming and from our side, mom will be there.
She said as much to her sister, reassuring her that she was happy to be there afterward to cook and clean and love on her sister and the new baby, but that she’d prefer to skip the blood-and-trauma part of the birth process.
When the conversation came up the other day, she totally just casually said that we’ll get her through it. I told her that I was not going to be there because I’m not sure if I would be able to stay calm seeing her agitated and of course witnessing the bloody miracle of birth.
She was surprised that I was saying such a thing. I tried to reason with her and said that I’ll support her in every other way, like cooking or cleaning her house but I just don’t want to be there when she’s all screaming and the baby’s coming out.
Her sister got angry and emotional, saying OP was “ruining” her perfect day, and their mother sided with the pregnant sister.
She got super angry, and lectured me on how I was ruining her perfect labour plan and then mom also got on my back that I was being squeamish for no reason. Liv then got super emotional and mom tried to calm her down and gestured for me to leave which I did.
I understand that Liv is emotional ofcourse because she’s just about to give birth but i really don’t think I’ll be a stable person during that process, it’s better that I come after. I have no problem in taking care of her and ofcourse I’ll love the baby so much after its born. But I just can’t stop feeling so guilty for saying no to Liv and ofcourse she became quite stressed because of my refusal.
So reddit, AITA?
OP is confused as to whether or not she’s allowed to actually refuse her sister’s “request,” and I’m thinking Reddit is going to set her straight on that.
The top comment isn’t always the best comment, but this time it is.
Babies certainly do not care about your plans. Trust me.
I definitely see this term catching on.
Say it with me: birth is not for everyone.
Boundaries are for everyone, though.
I don’t see any trouble with someone saying they don’t want to witness the birth but will help out in other ways.
If you’ve got a different opinion, our comments are open!