There are things you learn at some point in your life that go in one ear and out the other.
And then there’s the time you hear that Victorian people used to tie strings to the fingers of dead people in their coffins, attach the other end to a bell, and sit someone in a graveyard 24/7 just in case they accidentally buried an alive person.
This procedure came about, we are free to assume, because they did actually put people in coffins who were not dead.
That kind of information stays with you.
Which is why I was particularly interested in this quick Tumblr rundown on how to escape from a coffin should some similar nightmare happen to you.
The first rule is the first rule in every life-and-death situation – don’t panic.
Then, try shaking the lid with your hands, or punching a hole with a ring or belt buckle.
If you’re wearing a shirt, shimmy it off above your head and tie it in a knot to prevent suffocation if and when dirt falls into your face.
Kick if you have to. When dirt starts to fall in, throw it toward your feet while you sit up, and then stand up.
And hope it hasn’t rained lately.
So, there you go – it’ll probably never happen, and even if it does, staying calm probably isn’t the most likely thing, but do your best.
And whatever you do, don’t think about those coffins that were opened back in the day to reveal claw marks and broken fingernails.
It was probably just an exaggeration, anyway.