Was This Daycare Teacher Lacking Empathy When She Refused To Change A Diaper Outside Of Work?

I don’t think that changing diapers is anyone’s favorite part of having or working with kids, but it is something that has to be done. For parents and regular caregivers, it’s part of the routine, whether we like it or not.

Or at least, that’s how it is for most of us.

This OP found out in a surprising way that some parents apparently never change diapers at all.

She is a daycare worker for kids who are young enough to still need diaper changes on occasion, and didn’t expect to run into one of her students (and her mother) at an event outside of work.

She was shocked when the mother asked her to change a poopy diaper but laughed it off as a joke.

Hi everyone, I (20f) work full time at a daycare with younger preschoolers, a few of whom are still in diapers. The other day I was at huge a barbecue with some friends from high school and the friends of their parents were also there.

I ran into one of my preschoolers and her mom and chatted with her for a little while. After a few minutes the mom said that her kids diaper was dirty and asked if I could change it.

I thought she was joking so I laughed and made a joke back about how “I only change diapers when I’m on the clock.”

The mother explained she was serious and that because she was a germaphobe and had a fear of throwing up and that her husband, who always changed diapers, wasn’t there.

She was at a table full of family/friends, however, and OP refused again.

Her friends that she was sitting with all kind of laughed awkwardly but she looked at me dead serious and said “no really I don’t change diapers.”

I felt really awkward but just said “no, sorry” and went to walk away but then she started explaining to me that her husband is the only one who changes diapers because she’s a germaphobe and has emetophobia (fear of throwing up) and she’s only done it a few times when she absolutely had to and she always threw up after which apparently she has a crippling fear of doing.

I felt that regardless of the circumstances, it was inappropriate for her to ask me this so I said no again.

The woman continued to push, and when OP refused a third time the mother accused her of lacking empathy.

She seemed really shocked by this and continued to explain how much she hates changing diapers and how her husband wasn’t here so he couldn’t help. I just told her that I don’t like changing them either and I think it’s inappropriate for her to keep pushing this when I have already told her no. She then said “it’s devastating to me to learn my daughter’s favorite teacher has so little empathy” and after that I just walked away.

Awhile later she left with her daughter still in a dirty diaper, presumably to go and find her husband.

A few minutes later I saw her putting the kid in the car and leaving so I assume she went to wherever her husband was to have him do it. I texted my boss to tell her what happened because I am about to go on vacation and I assumed that the mother would say something to her about it.

My boss just told me that I could tell her about it in more detail when I get back and she’d let me know if the mom said anything to her but it seemed like I was in the right in saying no.

OP is pretty confident she made the right choice, as even if she was an employee (which she wasn’t) she shouldn’t be expected to change diapers off the clock.

Also, OP was with friends and family who would have been more appropriate people to ask for that kind of favor.

I don’t think I’m the AH in this situation. I am not her employee and even if I was I still think that’s not something you should ask someone to do outside of work hours.

I do not know this mom well at all, we rarely talk at pickup or drop off and she was sitting at a table of her friends who I presume know about her situation and would’ve have been better people to ask for help.

I think if she would rather let her kid sit in a dirty diaper for the car ride home instead of changing it herself, she shouldn’t be going places without her husband.

She did feel slightly bad for the kid, but again, it really isn’t her problem.

The only part of this that makes me feel a little bit like an asshole is the fact that the kid had to sit in their own poop for the car ride home. I just assumed that once I left she would either ask one of her friends or suck it up and do it herself.

So, am I the a$$hole?

Is Reddit thinking she should have sucked it up for the kid’s sake? Or are they backing up her firm decision in the moment?

Let’s find out!

The top comment pointed out that her request was not only ridiculous, but that the woman really shouldn’t be alone with her kid if she can’t care for her properly.

Image Credit: Reddit

I mean, who doesn’t?

Image Credit: Reddit

Everyone agreed it would have been better for her to ask a friend first.

Image Credit: Reddit

Teachers are not personal, paid childcare outside of school hours.

Image Credit: Reddit

So many boundaries are being crossed, here.

Image Credit: Reddit

As someone who has trouble holding boundaries with others playing the empathy card, this OP is my hero.

Would you have given in and done it? Tell us in the comments why or why not?