Was This Terminally Ill Woman Wrong To Use Her Short Life Expectancy In An Argument?

No one wants to think about living with numbered days, even though we technically all do, every single day. Some people are just all-too aware that their number count doesn’t go nearly as high as they would like it to – or even as high as the average.

This woman has a lung conditions that’s going to cut her life tragically short – shorter than anyone other than her mother is currently aware.

I (F27) have a brother (M30) who just got engaged and is planning his wedding. I have a lung condition for which there is no cure, and I make no secret of the fact that it will end my life early.

I recently found out that I am not going to be able to have a transplant and that it’s unlikely I will be here for much more than a few years, so far only my mum knows this.

Her brother is getting married, and she told him that if he wants her to be there he needs to take her special accommodations into consideration.

He did not, booking a spot with no access and also nowhere for her to rest if need be. When she confronted him about it, he advised that some people could “carry her up the stairs.”

I told my brother that unless he was having the wedding somewhere that was wheelchair accessible, I wouldn’t be able to attend, and unless it was held in or very near a hotel so that I could go and lay down if needed, I could only attend for an hour or so.

My brother and his fiance decided on a venue that is both not accessible for wheelchairs and doesn’t have any accommodation nearby. When I told my brother that unfortunately this means I’m not going to be able to attend he told me that some of his friends could carry me up the stairs.

She told him that she wouldn’t be comfortable with that, after which he accused her of being difficult.

More words were exchanged, including him telling her that he wouldn’t come to her wedding if she didn’t come to his, and her informing him it wouldn’t matter because she wasn’t going to live long enough to get married anyway.

I replied that I wasn’t comfortable with being carried like a child and that there’s no way I will be able to sit on a normal chair (My wheelchair is adapted to my seating needs.) for the whole ceremony.

My brother told me that I was just being difficult and that if I couldn’t be bothered to accept a bit of discomfort to attend my own brothers wedding then when I get married hes not going to be bothered to come to mine.

To which I replied that he doesn’t need to worry about coming to my wedding, because I’ll be dead in a few years.

Their mother said that telling him her awful news that way wasn’t fair, so she’s appealing to Reddit.

My mum has said that it was really unfair of me to use that in an argument and to tell my brother that I am only going to be around for a few years in that way. My brother won’t talk to me.


So, what do they say? You know they’re sounding off in the comments!

The top comment suggested that the couple’s vision for their wedding obviously trumped the sister’s involvement, and that was their choice (even if it’s crappy).

Image Credit: Reddit

And this person pointed out the wrongness of blaming a bride who wasn’t even mentioned (and may not even exist, should it be a same-sex couple.

Image Credit: Reddit

OP isn’t expecting the wedding to revolve around them, but it’s ok to assume that a sibling would want to have them involved if at all possible.

Image Credit: Reddit

The brother clearly wasn’t thinking about her at all.

Image Credit: Reddit

This person suggests there was no other option than the brother being the a$$hole here.

Image Credit: Reddit

The good news is that she provided an update, and things are being smoothed over and worked out.


Me and my brother have talked, and we have both acknowledged that in saying ‘I won’t attend your wedding’/’I’ll be dead’ we have each said things that are not kind.

My brother and his fiance have apologised for being blind to my access requirements. They have spoken to the venue and they have decided to hold the ceremony in the garden rather than the reception room so that I can attend.

The venue has some side doors that you can choose to put a big gazebo on, to accommodate more guests. They wasn’t going to, but my dad has said he will pay for the gazebo so that I can be included in some of the reception and then get a taxi to the hotel when I’m tired.

I’m glad that me and my brother have straightened things out and that I’m going to be able to see my brother get married.

Yay for healthy families with decent communication skills! You love to see it.

Have you encountered a challenge like this within your family? Share with us down in the comments how you resolved it!