If you’ve never been under anesthesia before, let me tell you that it is a very strange experience.
You wake up not knowing where the hell you are or what’s going on and it’s pretty unsettling…and health care workers know that people say a lot of weird things when they’re under the influence of the stuff.
Let’s hear from some of them about the things they’ll never forget that patients said when they were under the knife, and we’ll hear from regular folks about what they said, too!
1. That’s weird.
“I had a guy (nefarious character, heavy drug use history) who got a bunch of ketamine (probably too much) in recovery from one of the other docs to help with severe pain after his abscess drainage.
I was asked to check on him in an hour as the other doc had left for the evening. Went over and saw him in the K hole drooling on himself but otherwise fine, so I left and came back an hour later.
First thing he says to me is “why did you do that to me?”. I asked him what he meant and he said, “you don’t understand, I lived another man’s life in there!” I apologized and asked him “how long do you think you were in there?”. For reference it had been something like an hour and a half or two hours since his trip began.
“I don’t know, maybe 30 years”
I was speechless. I apologized again, made sure he knew he was safe, made sure he wasn’t hurting, and made d**n sure he knew it wasn’t me that did it to him.”
2. I need eggs.
“I once came out of anesthesia after an endoscopy, which can cause you to burp pretty much the whole day, and my fiancée asked “How’re you doing?”
I misheard and answered as though she said “What are you doing?”
My answer was “Little burps,” said very confidently.
I also started crying on the way home because I wanted one egg. I never crave eggs.”
3. It wasn’t your fault.
“I had a double jaw surgery scheduled for April 21, 2016.
The procedure was fine (I remember waking up halfway through it and getting more anesthesia). After the surgery ended, they put me into the hospital room to let the drugs wear off of me. I don’t remember much of this time so this comes from my mom, but she was sitting in the room with me, watching the news on the TV. I wake up and I’m quiet for a little bit before I start sobbing.
My mom thinks it’s because my mouth hurts. My mouth is wired shut so I actively can’t correct her with words, and have to try and write out (on paper) what I’m crying about. The news was broadcasting about Prince’s d**th, and I was hysterical over the fact that I apparently k**led Prince and that I had to turn myself in.”
4. Oh, Dad…
“My dad after his second hip replacement: “They were eating meatballs. After they’d been in a drawer…Gross.”
Then he passed out.”
“Post surgery I was in recovery and all of the nurses were joking about which Hogwarts House they would be in, I piped up “My ex-wife thought I was a house-elf!” and drifted back under to lots of laughter.”
6. Zonked out.
“I ask a patient after surgery how he feels.
He opens his eyes, stares me dead-on and says “with my fingers”.
Then he goes right back to sleep.”
7. Happy ending.
“This guy I was dating he asked me to take him to get his wisdom teeth removed. He told me that anesthesia doesn’t effect him a lot and we were supposed to go on a road trip the next day.
So anyway he gets wheeled out of the dentist by an old nurse. I’m behind the driver seat and I see him smacking his lips looking up at the sky. She opens my car door and he said “I love her, I love her”.
He then proceeded to ask me to marry him several times. He tried to pull out his gauze and I told him stop and he said “man this b**ch is bossy”.
Then he wanted a milkshake. I would suggest a place and he would scream NOOOOOO. Finally we agree on a place and he tells me he’ll give me directions. I drive for 15 minutes before I ask him what we’re doing and he said he has no idea.
We’re in the drive through and he says “I have something for you”. I swear I thought he had bought me a ring the way he had been proposing for last hour. It was his newly extracted teeth. “They let me keep them, I want you to have them” He lived on base at the time and was yelling at the gate while they checked his ID for them to “Hurrry UPPP”.
I finally get him to his room, in bed. He’s happily eating his milk shake with a spoon. His mouth was a mess of blood and milk shake. He asked me for a kiss. I gave him a peck.
We’re married now.”
8. A talkative one.
“A friend of mine was doing a type of spine procedure where they fixed part of a broken vertebrae under sedation.
He said most people fall right asleep but every now and then someone just won’t fall asleep no matter how much IV anesthesia they get. This guy that he was doing the procedure on got so talkative that he was just going on and on about his favorite fishing spots while he was having his broken vertebra fixed.
My friend kept asking him if he was in pain or anything but they guy was like “I don’t feel anything. Anyways, let me tell you about this place I bass fish…” Guy had the whole procedure awake despite lots of anesthesia and was happy as a clam!”
9. Never lived it down.
“My aunt, who notoriously despises fast food (old Mexican lady whose food is as good as it gets) woke up and looked at my uncle and said, “are you the s**y man that’s gonna take me to McDonald’s?”
If you knew her you would know that she would NEVER say that. She has never lived it down.”
10. Uh oh!
“My husband woke up from anesthesia after a colonoscopy just after the doctor walked in. He didn’t see the doctor and and told me “no bl**job for you” then fell back asleep and ripped a big fart.
The doctor looked at me and busted out laughing. He said not to be embarrassed, people say the weirdest things but this one he’d remember.”
“A little girl was going under and she was holding her mother’s hand
She reached out for my hand with her other and as she was going out she joined mine with her mother’s and said, “You would be a nice daddy”
I probably went beetroot red as I blushed.”
12. Out like a light.
“As I put someone out for a colonoscopy one time, the patient said, “You’re cute. Are you gonna see my butt??”
Then she was out.”
Do you have any stories like this?
If so, share them with us in the comments.
Thanks a lot!