I’d like to take this opportunity to formally apologize to my parents for all the stupid and embarrassing things I did while growing up.
And that lasted until I was well into my 20s…sorry Mom and Dad…
But enough about me…check out these stories from parents on AskReddit about the embarrassing things their kids did in public.
1. Oh, boy.
“This was back in 1998.
I live in a fairly small town in British Columbia Canada. It is about 99.9% white people. I had my daughter at the grocery store and there was a person of colour at the checkout. My two-year-old pointed at her and said “Oprah!” Oprah!!”
My soul left my body.
Completely full of grace, the lady laughed and laughed and then said “Oh I wish I was Oprah!””
“My oldest had a talent for finding hard surfaces with his head.
He smacked into a door frame at preschool when he fell off a bouncy horse and had a huge goose egg in the middle of his forehead. Gravity did its thing and the blood in the goose egg slid down his face, blacking both eyes.
A few days after he looked like he went 3 rounds with Mike Tyson. He was at the airport with his aunt and cousin waiting for Grandma to get off the plane.
A lady said, “Oh, you have two beautiful children.”
He could have said. “Oh, this is my aunt,” or “She’s my cousin.”
Instead, he looked up at her sadly with two black eyes and said, “I don’t belong to these people.”
His aunt hissed, “You’re gonna get me arrested!””
3. He’s loose!
“My wife and I were in Vegas for work when my son was about 3.
We hired a babysitter so we could go out to dinner. The babysitter arrived as we were changing my son and the second the hotel room door opened he sprinted. It caught the sitter off guard and my son got a good head start.
He ran down two hallways completely nude with us running behind him before we managed to catch up and grab him. He ran by several other guests including a group of young men who were cheering him on. On the way back he repeatedly yelled, “everybody sees my peepee”. I’m retrospect it’s hilarious, at the time it was not.”
4. Thanks for sharing.
“My 4 yo walked in on me while i was changing my pad and he was concerned about me bleeding so I explained to him that i’m ok etc.
The next day i took him to our local mom&pop toy shop and when we got to the counter to pay he said to the owners “ My mommy’s bleeding from her Pee Pee but she’s ok” they said oh ok would you like a bag.”
5. Don’t do that!
“My daughter 4, had went on a field trip at her preschool where they were hiking through the woods, and really needed to go pee and a “helper” (another kids parent) said just go over there no one is looking.
Then a few days later while she was outside playing with the neighborhood kids, she dropped her pants in front of the neighbors house to try and pee in their FRONT YARD.
I ran and grabbed her and pulled up her pants and took her inside. She explained everything but I was completely taken aback because I know I had never shown her that.
My daughter did not understand nuanced situations at that age so she thought if she could do it there she could do it anywhere.”
“For some reason when my kid was learning the word “Freckle” it came out “F**k you.”
So we were in line at Starbucks and I was holding my daughter and this lady comes up behind us who had a freckle on her cheek and my daughter points and goes “F**k you.””
7. The genie.
“My child was about 4 years old this was the early ’80s.
We’re on a bus and a Sikh gentleman walked on the bus and my kid says “oh look Mommy it’s a genie.””
8. Big balls.
“When my son was 3 he saw me getting out of the shower and said “Daddy why are your balls so big?”
So we explained to him that when boys grow up their testicles and pe**s get bigger.
Flash forward to about a week later. We are signing papers for a lease on a car. My son, very loudly, informs the saleswoman “MY DADDY HAS BIG BALLS AND WHEN I GROW UP I WILL HAVE BIG BALLS TOO!”
She started snorting from laughter. My wife and I turned red but pretty soon we were laughing too. I think the whole d**n dealership heard him.”
“My son had some issues differentiating a and o. On his 3 b-day we were at a restaurant and the waitress asked if he was ready for cake.
His response: “COCK!? I LOVE COCK!!!!”
His mom and I both yelled “CAKE!! He loves cake.””
“It was my grandfather’s funeral, and we were all in the church. My infant son had not pooped for almost a week. In the middle of one of the eulogies he unleashed a weeks worth of poo into his nappy with the LOUDEST fart.
It leaked EVERYWHERE and got on my husband (who was holding him). My gorgeous husband took him out of the church and cleaned him up, and when the funeral was over I came out to find my son in a nappy and wrapped in a blanket because his clothes were covered.
Everyone had a good laugh, but I was mortified for a little. My grandfather would have found it hilarious though and was probably laughing in Heaven.”
“We were at a restaurant and the four of us ordered (wife and two kids). Waiter is standing next to my youngest, about 6 at the time, and puts his hand out. To me, he quite clearly wants my son to return the menu.
My son quickly glanced up at the waiter, then at his hand, then at me like “what do I do?” Before anyone can say anything my son reaches in his mouth, pulls out his chewing gum, and sticks it right in this poor man’s hand.
I turned bright red and wanted to disappear. Only after I realized I do the same unspeaking hand gesture when I want him to give me his gum before eating or in church. Such an innocent mistake but d**n that one hurt.”
12. Oh, boy.
“My 11 year old daughter loudly proclaimed in a crowded bookstore “I love 9/11″.
What the other shoppers didn’t know was that she had recently shown an interest in history, particularly a series of books about tragic events like the sinking of the titanic, the attack on pearl harbor, and of course, 9/11.”
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